Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
"Nah...maybe I'll reach out to him one day and send him a picture of me and my kid...but right now I'm doing really well and am very happy, let's not rock the boat. I have faith that who/what God has for me is for me. I've just learned how to be still so that is what I am going to do...be still."
I must be doing something right because I was in the grocery store yesterday and a guy walked up to me and gave me his number. The guy behind the seafood counter was flirting with me and gave me a free crab leg (small favors I know but I'll take the flirts where I get them). I had a conference today and a guy I met immediately sent me an email asking me to lunch. Then I had lunch with a client and a woman two tables down gave me her business card (no she wasn't flirting, she had a wedding ring on...okay that doesn't mean anything does it).
So, when I said "nah" to my friend I honestly meant it. Maybe it really put me in another space and other people felt it because I haven't had this much action since I was in the hospital a year and a half ago! Yes, that is pretty sad! Well, as for the ex, all I have ever wanted for him was to be happy, I hope he heals and finds some peace and happiness. Wow...if you know me and you knew me then, you can really say...Now that's growth! I love being thirty something!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Since I started my business I have been working almost 7 days a week. Even when I take a vacation I never really take a vacation. I always have my laptop with me. I'm always reading, writing and I think wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much. I often have what you call Analysis Paralysis. I get up before the crack of dawn (4 am) trying to get to the gym by 5 am. And I get migraines...do you think any of this is related! LOL
So, on Friday after the reception I felt so much love and it was just so peaceful I decided that I was not going to work on Sat. or Sun. Before I knew it, a week had passed and this is what I remember as a vacation.... what an accomplishment for me. What did I actually do for those 7 days? I spent time with my friends and their kids. I sat at my friends pool while the kids played and we talked about the good 'ole days. We spent many hours talking about our lives and how we need to continue building our village for our children. Every time I come to LA my friends spend time trying to convince me to move to LA. With all the kids roaming around it certainly made me think but then I just realized that I have to build my own community in DC and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I have Ariana and her husband Sami, they have become great friends to me and always have a hot meal for me...do you think they will feed my kid also? :-) I have several friends (Dana, Tracey and Amy) that I have met via the Single Mother's By Choice (SMC) group. And how can I forget my college friends Mia and Karen. I also have other good friends that will lend a helping hand or at least an ear or a meal! (Arelis, Gabrielle and Angela) My sister and cousin also lives in the area. Some people don't have any friends but the more I look around I already have a village...I love my two friends in LA DEARLY but I don't need to move there to gain a village I already have a village in good 'ole DC. I'll just opt to visit LALA land a little more often say twice a year with my baby girl so she will get to know her family there. Plus they have some great shopping and vintage stores!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The questions actually look pretty simple although I had a few flashbacks to my B-School application days where I worked until the last possible moment on the essay questions ending up at the main post office to make sure it was postmarked by midnight. Have I mentioned I am a huge procrastinator? I'm working on it though....it's on my list! Really it is!
So, after reviewing the autobiography questions, I have two questions that I need a little clarification on.
- What significant information do you know about your family as it was when you were an infant? WHAT?? Significant information about my family when I was an infant? Significant to whom? Like...did we have a dog? Did my brother make the cat disappear? Did I not have a father? What is significant to one person is not significant to another. This question is ambiguous, how should I answer this?
- What were your goals and aspirations as a young adult? Well...my goals were to be married, have 2.5 kids, not work and live in a million dollar home...I didn't achieve ANY of those...uh...ohh...LOL
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I researched my options. I chose to use Shady Grove Fertility because they were large and seemed to have a good reputation. I began my treatments. Although I was considered infertile, the insurance company had protocol I had to follow: insemination prior to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was required. I went through 3 Intrauterine Inseminations (IUIs) prior to my IVFs. My nightmares began with the IVFs. On approximately September 13, 2005 after my first IVF; I began to have stomach cramps. I notified Shady Grove and spoke with my nurse. I was told it was part of the process. Unfortunately the IVF did not work and I did not conceive. The pain I was having subsided temporarily while I was on suppressive medication (birth control) in preparation of my second IVF. However, I began experiencing night sweats in October. On November 8 I began my second round of IVF treatment. Within one week of embryo transfer (November 26) I began having extreme stomach pains. I contacted Shady Grove a couple of times during the month of December before they finally told me to come in. When I finally went in one of the doctor’s told me “you look fine, I’m not going to request a blood work-up”. I went home and continued to have night sweats and cramping. I contacted Shady Grove a few more times and was told “if I am still having pains I should see my gynecologist.” Now, this was a little odd to me because I had been under Shady Grove’s care for a year not my gynecologist.
On Dec. 27th I woke up at 4:00 a.m. screaming at the top of my lungs in excruciating pain. (I have a pretty high threshold for pain so when I tell you it felt like my insides were being torn out I am telling you the truth). I called my friend Ariana to take me to the hospital (I guess I could have called an ambulance but that would have been so sterile, who would have held my hand during the whole ordeal?). I went to the emergency room where I waited over two hours before a doctor saw me despite my obvious pelvic pain. After spending almost twelve hours in the emergency room I was released with only a prescription for pain medication and the advice to see my doctor the next day.
Following Shady Grove’s advice, I went to see my gynecologist. Within the first 30 seconds she had me on the table she said, “I don’t know what is wrong with you but I know you need to be admitted into the hospital immediately.” Once at the hospital, blood was taken for a comprehensive blood evaluation--which immediately showed signs of an infection. A comment was made by a doctor that the emergency room did not do a comprehensive blood evaluation on me and he was not sure why. Had they done so, I would have been admitted to hospital on the 27th instead of the 28th. Although there is no way to tell, I wonder what an earlier admittance of 24 to 36 hours would have prevented. Because of the infection I was being treated with antibiotics; they still did not know where the infection was or how severe it was. Let’s see if I can make this clearer. When the doctor’s entered my room it was like an episode of the television drama House. They came in a pack. They said they expected me to be in a coma. When you are healthy your white blood cells number between 7-9,000; mine numbered over 18,000. They said if I had waited another day I would have been dead or in a coma. The infectious disease specialist kept asking me "didn't your doctor's know you were sick?" I kept responding that I was telling them but they were not listening to me. The whole time I was in the hospital the infectious disease specialist could not get over how sick I was and that Shady Grove did nothing about it.
I was taken in for surgery in hopes the doctors could locate the troubled area. When they opened me up, the infection was so bad they could not see any of my organs. They had to close me up. My mother was then told that I would be put on the maximum antibiotics that my body would tolerate to see if they could get the infection under control. After 33 hours passed, I became septic (my blood stream became toxic) and emergency surgery was required including two blood transfusions (one prior to surgery and one during surgery). My GYN was also in the surgery and said it was the worse surgery she had ever been in. They had to remove almost a liter of fluid and pus before they could even get to my organs. What this means is that my organs were deteriorating inside of me, they were liquefying. When they finally got to my organs nothing could be saved. The end result was I had a total hysterectomy and an appendectomy. After the surgery the doctors were happy it was over but all they said to my mother was "we are not out of the woods, all we can do now is wait." They thought I was going to die…plain and simple. This was on day four. I was in the hospital for 15 days. I was on disability for 12 weeks. My first day back to work, I was told I was being downsized…lack of work. Could my year have gotten any worse!?
This was April 2006. I spent the next few months of my “summer vacation” depressed then I decided I had to move on and figure out what to do with my life. It was either go back and work for someone else again or start my own business. I was tired of giving everyone else control so it was the latter. I decided it was time for me to live my ultimate life…I started a company that would allow me and others to live their ultimate life. I cannot change what happened to me but, I can change my perspective on it…I have chosen not to wallow in it and be sad. I have decided to use my pain for good. Just as in the story of Joseph in the bible his dilemma turned out to be a blessing--so shall mine. My blessing is my adoption. I also pray that a blessing may come to others through this story.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
While I was researching furniture for a client I saw a link for nursery furniture. Uh oh! I kept going and lo and behold I hit the back button and spent about ten minutes on that site. I found a nice crib too. What do you think? But then I looked at the price, $1000! How can I afford a $1000 crib after a $20,000 adoption? whew! My champagne taste has ALWAYS been a problem! Since I am one of the last to "have" a baby of my group of friends let's hope someone is ready to "donate" a crib. She probably won't be in it that long anyway.
There are some that follow the Montessori educational training/belief and never put their children in cribs! They want them to develop at their own pace and do what works for them (not be stagnated by crib bars...lol). I have talked with a few of these parents and they say by doing this their children walked earlier and even potty trained sooner. Hmmm, maybe I won't use a crib (that would save me a few dollars). Cribs are made for adults anyway not the kids! Oh yea...never mind, that is why I do want one. I'm a single parent. I may need to sleep an extra few minutes!
Oh...this post was supposed to talk about if my detox worked wasn't it? Well...it was an experiment that taught me I need to focus more on work and learn to balance my life better (there is the rub). I am still going to try to stay off of the blog during work hours though! That's the best I can do. Some progress is better than none.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Hi my name is Tami and I am an adoption addict!
I think I must try to calm down and get back to my life and to the life of making money so I can bring my little one home. In order to do this I have to create some strict rules. The first rule (I'll have to get back to you on the other rules, one rule is enough for the day), which will begin immediately is: no adoption talk or work between the hours of 9-5. To get this started I am beginning with a 30 hour detox from noon today until 6 pm tomorrow evening. I will not log on, you will not see any blogs from me and if you are my friend I won't talk to you about adoption. Whew...wish me luck.
It's tough love time for me...I must DO SOME WORK!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Talk to you tomorrow at 6:01!
So...I scheduled my home study for when Paul gets back from vacation in mid-August! Yikes!!!!!!!!!! Now, I need any helpful tips for my home study. Tips...Suggestions...Do's...Dont's?
Monday, July 16, 2007
I now have to decide which agency to use. If you have any feedback on any of the agencies listed below, please by all means share them with me. This would give me more time to think about reading all of those documents!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Written by Melissa Fay Greene about her travels to Ethiopia to visit Haregewoin Teferra who started an orphanage after the sudden death of her husband (heart attack) and daughter (cancer). Having rented a larger home so she could have the space to care for her ill daughter, so when the "authorities" asked her to temporarily house a homeless girl she agreed. Within months she had over 40 orphans and was being faced with issues of poverty, HIV and homosexuality to name a few.
Many of the orphans pictures are included and situations are described in detail. To conclude the book the orphans who were adopted to America a brief update is also included on how adoption affected them and their families.
Finally, following are a few statistics that I wanted to share that were included in the book:
- In 2005 Ethiopia had 1,563,000 AIDS orphans (second highest concentration of AIDS orphans in the world) of those 1,400 were adopted abroad
- By 2010 between 25 - 50 million African children, from 0 - 15 will be orphans
- In 2006, 4.7 million people in Africa need AIDS drugs only 500,000 have access to them
- 6,600 Africans are dying of AIDS daily
Monday, July 9, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
Gladney (the agency I am adopting from) told me to fill out the form but they gave me so many forms that I said "okay" and put it in the get to it pile. This 2 page form costs $545 BUT if I do not hurry up and submit this form by July 30th the fee will increase to $750!
I suppose this is a trickle down effect from the war...but $200! What do you do? You want your kid? You pay $200 more. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
When I purchased my home I quickly found out that I have a passion for design (something I had always known but ignored) and decorated my home showing this flair. What did this get me? I had men come to my home asking me how much money I made and saying no wonder I don't have a man, I don't need one. Wow...I thought.
I also realized, as I knew all along, that corporate was not for me. I had several business ventures and shared them with the men that I dated. "What you own your own business?" Hello...Hello...Hello???? The insecurity behind that! I have had men tell me that they feel insecure to me. I have dated white collar, blue collar, green collar, pink collar...I don't care! At one point I started hiding my home, my business, everything that I worked so hard to EARN and let me tell you I earned every bit of this. There was no silver spoon in my mouth! Oh how I wish it was though! Anyhow..
When I learned I had reproductive issues I decided to get off of the dating merry-go-round (so to speak) and to take matters into my own hands. I decided that I was going to have a child on my own and at this point I don't mean via adoption. Oh yes, there were guys that said they would have a child with me but when I called them they never thought that I would call. I was a little too independent for them. I didn't want their money, I simply wanted them to be a father if that is what they wanted because I had made the choice to be a single mother.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
On a serious note...I really think that I will adopt again. There are far too many children that need loving homes and mothers. Maybe after I have had my experience in raising a baby I won't mind adopting an older child. Who knows. I'll remain flexible and continue to pray for guidance. The one thing that I do know is that I am evolving and becoming the person I am supposed to be and better than that the mother that I am supposed to be for 1 or for however many.
Monday, July 2, 2007
I stood before a few hundred members of my church and told them that I came to Zion broken. I had just come out of two and a half weeks of the hospital from near death. The end result was I could no longer have children. I was very depressed however, Zion has changed my life(I can't even express how much Zion has changed my life...as I am typing this tears are coming from my eyes and they are not of sadness they are from joy!) and my blessing now is that I am adopting a baby from Ethiopia. The church clapped and it made my heart lighter. After church so many people came up to me and thanked me for sharing my testimony.
I believe that what happened to me happened for a reason. No it wasn't pretty and it caused me a lot of pain (both emotionally and physically) but I believe that this was always my path, I was always meant to adopt. I also believe that my ministry is to help other women. I'm still trying to figure out how I am to do that but I know the Lord will show me how as I move forward with my own adoption.