Wallpaper Update

Yesterday I went to the Washington Design Center to hunt down the wallpaper (from last Thursday's post) for my daughter's room and there it was! They had every sample for me to Ohh and Ahh over! I was convinced that I was going to take it home and put it up on the walls and think about the colors and what I was going to do with it just like I do for my clients. I was under the illusion that it was going to be under $100 a roll and then maybe the minimum would be a few rolls. The room doesn't have a lot of wall space so I only need a few rolls, I would pay $300 but then they told me each roll was $150 and the minimum was 6 rolls...wait that's $900 for wallpaper! Ok...let me rethink how much I really like this wallpaper for my daughter's room. Ummmm not so much. If it were for Mommy's room sure, for baby's room...nope! The first time I see a mark on it I may want to become "Mommy Dearest" LOL Just Jokes... I decided that I'm going to make my own wallpaper...you would think I had nothing better to do! I don't know how I'm going to do it yet but I'm pretty set (or obsessed with this- you pick) on this I'll get back to you on this wallpaper saga.

My Hollywood Mom Match

Yesterday I decided to venture out on the web to see if I could find a test to tell me what kind of mother I would be. Not that I don't know I will be a fabulous mother, but I think tests in general are amusing. I mean who can forget the test in school that said read the entire test first before completing then the final question said only do the last question. Of course I didn't read the entire test and I completed every single question! Okay...I don't follow directions or read manuals. It's a good thing kids don't come with them!

What about the Myers Briggs. I'm an ENTP - Extrovert, Intuition, Thinking, Perceiving. Only 3.2% of the US population have this make-up, my mother always said I was special. Of course she was usually fussing at me when she said this but that is besides the point. For those of you who are not familiar with the Myers Briggs let me give you the Tami definition of ENTP Extrovert- we talk to anyone about anything. Intuition - We trust our gut and like to understand and evaluate the soft side of things...leave the hardcore numbers and big words for the other people. We know all of that stuff but we like to play like we don't. Thinking - Does that make sense? Please do something that makes sense. If it doesn't make sense I will bite your head off. Perceiving - Let's think about this a little while. We can make a decision a little later. Yes, I know it due in five minutes...we have plenty of time..........we have to make sure it is right and everyone has their ideas in! This is EXCITING!

So back to this test I took. The Tickle Hollywood Mom Match told told me what celebrity mother I am most like. I was pretty excited about the test until the questions started, I mean the test wasssssssss a little biased. They didn't give me options I would choose so I did my best. The first time around it said I was going to be a mother like...okay are you sitting down...of course you are you are at your computer JOAN CRAWFORD! I was horrified...however I laughed hysterically considering when I read the book as a teenager I called my mother Mommy Dearest when I got mad at her. Of course she would tell me to stop and I would get in trouble (no wire hangers though). The only thing that I said in the test was that I would give tough love. Hey my mother was a police officer and I was raised in a Caribbean Family. I never got spanked but I was afraid of my mother and my Grandmother would talk you to death. I never cut school, did drugs, got pregnant or any of that stuff so I intend to raise my children the same...so I thought...that was WACK I'm taking the test again! ...some of those questions were tricky. Really they were! I put down anything and see I came out as Joan Crawford...It could happen to you too so stop laughing at me!

This time I came back as Reece Witherspoon! Okay, it was still a little skewed because the test said what kind of car would you drive in Hollywood and I put a station wagon...for my friends that have station wagons! I love you but please don't take offense to my next comment since this is my blog. Tami doesn't like station wagons for Tami. Okay, maybe a Mercedes or BMW so maybe I could be Reece...okay MAYBE!!!! But I'm NEVER driving a Mini Van and that IS final! :-) It also asked me something about meatloaf and baking cookies. I decided I'm really not a Reece Witherspoon type either so I decided to take the test again! Maybe the system will get it right this time! The third time is usually a charm.

And I am finally the person I wanted to be (in this test of course)...Angelina Jolie! Now say what you will but I think she is hot. She has beautiful children, gets to travel all over the world, helps communities, has a gorgeous man, money, great clothes...I think I'm going to choose this match over the other two. My job is DONE! I'm finished with rigging (oops..I mean taking) tests for the day!

Now That's Growth!

I found out a few days ago that the love of my life was getting a divorce (after less than a year of marriage). Now, I hate to hear that anyone is getting a divorce but I'm not going to tell a lie I was pretty happy that he was going to be "free" again. I immediately thought that there could be a chance for us again. After all I have NEVER loved anyone the way I loved him. My friend thought it would be a good idea if I sent him an email to see if he was open to having a conversation with me about "us." HMMM...I thought about it then (after a few days) I said...

"Nah...maybe I'll reach out to him one day and send him a picture of me and my kid...but right now I'm doing really well and am very happy, let's not rock the boat. I have faith that who/what God has for me is for me. I've just learned how to be still so that is what I am going to do...be still."

I must be doing something right because I was in the grocery store yesterday and a guy walked up to me and gave me his number. The guy behind the seafood counter was flirting with me and gave me a free crab leg (small favors I know but I'll take the flirts where I get them). I had a conference today and a guy I met immediately sent me an email asking me to lunch. Then I had lunch with a client and a woman two tables down gave me her business card (no she wasn't flirting, she had a wedding ring on...okay that doesn't mean anything does it).

So, when I said "nah" to my friend I honestly meant it. Maybe it really put me in another space and other people felt it because I haven't had this much action since I was in the hospital a year and a half ago! Yes, that is pretty sad! Well, as for the ex, all I have ever wanted for him was to be happy, I hope he heals and finds some peace and happiness. Wow...if you know me and you knew me then, you can really say...Now that's growth! I love being thirty something!

Nursery Wallpaper

Today I had another lack of focus day (that seems to be a common theme these days). I'm a little concerned because while I am getting work done it isn't until 1am. So, what took my focus away today? Wallpaper of all things! Just out of the blue I thought about this wallpaper that I fell in love with last year and said that I wanted to have somewhere in my house then it hit me. I would use it in my daughter's nursery! I haven't picked a color yet (it comes in 6 colors) and I don't know how I am going to use it but I know I am going to use it.

The wallpaper Harlem toile de Jouy (by Sheila Bridges) tells a rich yet satirical story about African American life through the often distorted lens of the media. It was designed it to remind people of many of the stereotypes that have historically been and continue to be associated with African Americans living in rural parts of the country as well as urban areas like Harlem.

My Summer Vacation

A few weeks ago I hit the friendly skies and took a trip to LALA land. One of my closest friends there got married this past May in Barbados but held her reception back at home in LA. I was under the impression that it was going to be a big shin-dig however when I got to LA it was anything but. The reception was not only a celebration of the newlyweds love for each other but a celebration and an intimate gathering of family and friends. The reception was for their core (about 20 people) of individuals who make them who they are. I thought that was so special, it set the mood and pace for my entire vacation. It made me think about who I am, who are the people that make up my core and how do I want to continue living my life.

Since I started my business I have been working almost 7 days a week. Even when I take a vacation I never really take a vacation. I always have my laptop with me. I'm always reading, writing and I think wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much. I often have what you call Analysis Paralysis. I get up before the crack of dawn (4 am) trying to get to the gym by 5 am. And I get migraines...do you think any of this is related! LOL

So, on Friday after the reception I felt so much love and it was just so peaceful I decided that I was not going to work on Sat. or Sun. Before I knew it, a week had passed and this is what I remember as a vacation.... what an accomplishment for me. What did I actually do for those 7 days? I spent time with my friends and their kids. I sat at my friends pool while the kids played and we talked about the good 'ole days. We spent many hours talking about our lives and how we need to continue building our village for our children. Every time I come to LA my friends spend time trying to convince me to move to LA. With all the kids roaming around it certainly made me think but then I just realized that I have to build my own community in DC and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I have Ariana and her husband Sami, they have become great friends to me and always have a hot meal for me...do you think they will feed my kid also? :-) I have several friends (Dana, Tracey and Amy) that I have met via the Single Mother's By Choice (SMC) group. And how can I forget my college friends Mia and Karen. I also have other good friends that will lend a helping hand or at least an ear or a meal! (Arelis, Gabrielle and Angela) My sister and cousin also lives in the area. Some people don't have any friends but the more I look around I already have a village...I love my two friends in LA DEARLY but I don't need to move there to gain a village I already have a village in good 'ole DC. I'll just opt to visit LALA land a little more often say twice a year with my baby girl so she will get to know her family there. Plus they have some great shopping and vintage stores!

oopps...how can I forget... I have Laura in my village! If she decides to adopt or have a child via birth we will support each other and our children...we only live 5 minutes from each other how can we not, we've even said we would have two car seats in our car! Now that is support.

Autobiography Perplexed

As many times as I said I was not going to look at the autobiography questions I'm sure you all know that I...FAILED! (No, I haven't learned yet) I thought I would take a look to get my thoughts together before I started writing and if I had any questions ask my adoption/blog community.

The questions actually look pretty simple although I had a few flashbacks to my B-School application days where I worked until the last possible moment on the essay questions ending up at the main post office to make sure it was postmarked by midnight. Have I mentioned I am a huge procrastinator? I'm working on it though....it's on my list! Really it is!

So, after reviewing the autobiography questions, I have two questions that I need a little clarification on.

1. What significant information do you know about your family as it was when you were an infant? WHAT?? Significant information about my family when I was an infant? Significant to whom? Like...did we have a dog? Did my brother make the cat disappear? Did I not have a father? What is significant to one person is not significant to another. This question is ambiguous, how should I answer this?
2. What were your goals and aspirations as a young adult? Well...my goals were to be married, have 2.5 kids, not work and live in a million dollar home...I didn't achieve ANY of those...uh...ohh...LOL

Feedback?????????

My Story

I had known since I was in my twenties that I had fibroids but in 2003 I found out I had ovarian cysts and stage 4 (out of 4 stages) endometriosis. The doctors wanted to see what was going on and extract as much of the “bad stuff” as possible so I had a myectomy. The treatment that followed was with a drug called Lupron which stopped my menstrual cycle for six months. This allowed my body to heal from the surgery and without my menses I was not producing the endometrial tissue that was running rampant in my body. I was then told I had one year to get pregnant. This was difficult considering I was not in a relationship. I dated and I even asked a few friends if they would consider “being my baby daddy”…to no avail. I decided if I wanted to have a biological child it was now or never. I did not make this decision easily. I also received many opinions on what they thought about my choice to be a single parent… I didn’t care. Okay that is not true, I did care. I spent many nights, weeks and even months crying and trying to figure out what I did to end up this situation. What had I done in my life to warrant not finding a mate (I was 33) and infertile. I cried because this was not the life I had planned for myself. I had to give up the old dream and I had to create a new dream. A dream that I could still have the life that I wanted but I had to be flexible about it. I realized that life was simply a happy financially stable family which I knew I could create for myself. I finally gave myself permission to create that life and not be ashamed of how I decide to create it.

I researched my options. I chose to use Shady Grove Fertility because they were large and seemed to have a good reputation. I began my treatments. Although I was considered infertile, the insurance company had protocol I had to follow: insemination prior to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was required. I went through 3 Intrauterine Inseminations (IUIs) prior to my IVFs. My nightmares began with the IVFs. On approximately September 13, 2005 after my first IVF; I began to have stomach cramps. I notified Shady Grove and spoke with my nurse. I was told it was part of the process. Unfortunately the IVF did not work and I did not conceive. The pain I was having subsided temporarily while I was on suppressive medication (birth control) in preparation of my second IVF. However, I began experiencing night sweats in October. On November 8 I began my second round of IVF treatment. Within one week of embryo transfer (November 26) I began having extreme stomach pains. I contacted Shady Grove a couple of times during the month of December before they finally told me to come in. When I finally went in one of the doctor’s told me “you look fine, I’m not going to request a blood work-up”. I went home and continued to have night sweats and cramping. I contacted Shady Grove a few more times and was told “if I am still having pains I should see my gynecologist.” Now, this was a little odd to me because I had been under Shady Grove’s care for a year not my gynecologist.

On Dec. 27th I woke up at 4:00 a.m. screaming at the top of my lungs in excruciating pain. (I have a pretty high threshold for pain so when I tell you it felt like my insides were being torn out I am telling you the truth). I called my friend Ariana to take me to the hospital (I guess I could have called an ambulance but that would have been so sterile, who would have held my hand during the whole ordeal?). I went to the emergency room where I waited over two hours before a doctor saw me despite my obvious pelvic pain. After spending almost twelve hours in the emergency room I was released with only a prescription for pain medication and the advice to see my doctor the next day.

Following Shady Grove’s advice, I went to see my gynecologist. Within the first 30 seconds she had me on the table she said, “I don’t know what is wrong with you but I know you need to be admitted into the hospital immediately.” Once at the hospital, blood was taken for a comprehensive blood evaluation--which immediately showed signs of an infection. A comment was made by a doctor that the emergency room did not do a comprehensive blood evaluation on me and he was not sure why. Had they done so, I would have been admitted to hospital on the 27th instead of the 28th. Although there is no way to tell, I wonder what an earlier admittance of 24 to 36 hours would have prevented. Because of the infection I was being treated with antibiotics; they still did not know where the infection was or how severe it was. Let’s see if I can make this clearer. When the doctor’s entered my room it was like an episode of the television drama House. They came in a pack. They said they expected me to be in a coma. When you are healthy your white blood cells number between 7-9,000; mine numbered over 18,000. They said if I had waited another day I would have been dead or in a coma. The infectious disease specialist kept asking me "didn't your doctor's know you were sick?" I kept responding that I was telling them but they were not listening to me. The whole time I was in the hospital the infectious disease specialist could not get over how sick I was and that Shady Grove did nothing about it.

I was taken in for surgery in hopes the doctors could locate the troubled area. When they opened me up, the infection was so bad they could not see any of my organs. They had to close me up. My mother was then told that I would be put on the maximum antibiotics that my body would tolerate to see if they could get the infection under control. After 33 hours passed, I became septic (my blood stream became toxic) and emergency surgery was required including two blood transfusions (one prior to surgery and one during surgery). My GYN was also in the surgery and said it was the worse surgery she had ever been in. They had to remove almost a liter of fluid and pus before they could even get to my organs. What this means is that my organs were deteriorating inside of me, they were liquefying. When they finally got to my organs nothing could be saved. The end result was I had a total hysterectomy and an appendectomy. After the surgery the doctors were happy it was over but all they said to my mother was "we are not out of the woods, all we can do now is wait." They thought I was going to die…plain and simple. This was on day four. I was in the hospital for 15 days. I was on disability for 12 weeks. My first day back to work, I was told I was being downsized…lack of work. Could my year have gotten any worse!?

This was April 2006. I spent the next few months of my “summer vacation” depressed then I decided I had to move on and figure out what to do with my life. It was either go back and work for someone else again or start my own business. I was tired of giving everyone else control so it was the latter. I decided it was time for me to live my ultimate life…I started a company that would allow me and others to live their ultimate life. I cannot change what happened to me but, I can change my perspective on it…I have chosen not to wallow in it and be sad. I have decided to use my pain for good. Just as in the story of Joseph in the bible his dilemma turned out to be a blessing--so shall mine. My blessing is my adoption. I also pray that a blessing may come to others through this story.

I Made It!

Well...sorta! I didn't go online, make any telephone calls, read any documents or fill out any papers relating to adoption but, I did receive a few emails. Oh...I guess that meant I read something. My mother called me and inquired about the blog look. OK, I didn't make a call but I received one! But the biggest problem I had was I kept thinking how much time do I have until 6:01? I kept looking at my watch. I kept thinking how can this apply to my baby?

While I was researching furniture for a client I saw a link for nursery furniture. Uh oh! I kept going and lo and behold I hit the back button and spent about ten minutes on that site. I found a nice crib too. What do you think? But then I looked at the price, $1000! How can I afford a $1000 crib after a $20,000 adoption? whew! My champagne taste has ALWAYS been a problem! Since I am one of the last to "have" a baby of my group of friends let's hope someone is ready to "donate" a crib. She probably won't be in it that long anyway.

There are some that follow the Montessori educational training/belief and never put their children in cribs! They want them to develop at their own pace and do what works for them (not be stagnated by crib bars...lol). I have talked with a few of these parents and they say by doing this their children walked earlier and even potty trained sooner. Hmmm, maybe I won't use a crib (that would save me a few dollars). Cribs are made for adults anyway not the kids! Oh yea...never mind, that is why I do want one. I'm a single parent. I may need to sleep an extra few minutes!

Oh...this post was supposed to talk about if my detox worked wasn't it? Well...it was an experiment that taught me I need to focus more on work and learn to balance my life better (there is the rub). I am still going to try to stay off of the blog during work hours though! That's the best I can do. Some progress is better than none.

I'm An Adoption Addict

I am so addicted to my adoption that I am neglecting my other duties and clients (I won't tell them if you don't)! How do you like my new blog look? Thanks Sara! So, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Hi my name is Tami and I am an adoption addict!

I think I must try to calm down and get back to my life and to the life of making money so I can bring my little one home. In order to do this I have to create some strict rules. The first rule (I'll have to get back to you on the other rules, one rule is enough for the day), which will begin immediately is: no adoption talk or work between the hours of 9-5. To get this started I am beginning with a 30 hour detox from noon today until 6 pm tomorrow evening. I will not log on, you will not see any blogs from me and if you are my friend I won't talk to you about adoption. Whew...wish me luck.

It's tough love time for me...I must DO SOME WORK!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Talk to you tomorrow at 6:01!

And the Winner IS...

World Child, Inc and Paul Kelner! I didn't get good feedback for Datz so that was a no brainer. Barker Foundation wanted $3,900 to complete the home study...NEXT! I didn't get a good feeling from Adoptions Together, all I have is my gut and I'm learning to trust that more. I felt very comfortable with Paul Kelner and he also received raving reviews.

So...I scheduled my home study for when Paul gets back from vacation in mid-August! Yikes!!!!!!!!!! Now, I need any helpful tips for my home study. Tips...Suggestions...Do's...Dont's?

Time For a Home Study

While examining my stack of adoption documents I managed to make out the words "home study". Anyone that knows me knows I'm a pretty pragmatic person and one that doesn't like a lot of superfluous stuff...I mean things like extra manuals, brochures, papers... and 100+ pages explaining how to fill out a bunch of forms! In education I am what they would classify as a hands on learner (kinesthesitic). However, I know there are times when we must suck it up for the greater good (yes, the adoption would be for the greater good). I still have not managed to spend a full day reading (cover to cover) all of the pages telling me how to fill out more pages of documents but I have managed to read the pages that said get a home study! Some progress is better than none.

I now have to decide which agency to use. If you have any feedback on any of the agencies listed below, please by all means share them with me. This would give me more time to think about reading all of those documents!

• http://www.worldchild.org/home.htm
• http://www.datzfoundation.org/
• www.adoptionstogether.org
• www.barkerfoundation.org

Mesgana Dancers 2007 Tour

The Mesgana Dancers (http://www.mesgana.com/) are returning for their second USA tour presented by Children of Ethiopia Education Fund (COEEF) and Ethiopia Reads. This year’s tour has been expanded to include many more cities and venues so more people can see these wonderful girls perform their stunning display of Ethiopian cultural dance and song!

Mesgana (an Amharic for gratitude), “represents the hope this tour will bring to the girls of Ethiopia”, says the press alert released by the Children of Ethiopia Education Fund, a non-profit organization based in Murray, Utah, and the tour’s primary organizer.

“If not properly educated, girls in Ethiopia will be faced with disease, prostitution and poverty.” According to the tour organizers, for two hundred to five hundred dollars a year sponsors can send a student to a private school in Ethiopia. Currently 800 students are enrolled in the program.

The tour also benefits Ethiopia Reads, another non-profit organization founded in 2003 by Yohannes Gebregeorgis and led by the celebrated children’s author Jane Kurtz. The group establishes libraries in schools in Ethiopia and has published many books in Amharic.

The tour will be from August to September 2007 and will include stops in Washington, DC, Columbia, MD, Evanston (Chicago), IL, Atlanta, New York City, West Orange, NJ Denver & Boulder, CO, Salt Lake City, Murray, & St. George, UT, San Jose, Palo Alto, Ontario/Upland, and Los Angeles (San Fernando), CA.

A Little Slow

Yes, tomorrow has come and gone and I still haven't posted "my story." It isn't for a lack of trying. I have written it. Then I start making edits and now I feel like I need to be still for a little while. Although many people know the story it's something else to tell it to the world. So...give me a little more time...it's coming. Back to the normal blogs until then.

I Would Die For That (Video)

Tomorrow I am going to share My Story but I first wanted to share a video that is a perfect introduction.

There Is No Me Without You

I just read an outstanding book which many refer to as a prerequisite for adopting in Ethiopia. "There is No Me Without You" is so inspiring after you read it you will know that you aren't doing enough (even if you are adopting) and wll want to do more...it will change your view of Africa. It left me thinking how to start an organization to benefit the children of Africa. I don't think adoption is enough however it is still dear to my heart. I'm thinking maybe I can do something that would help other single women afford adoption while simultaneously help an orphanage in Ethiopia/Africa or maybe something dealing with economic development. I don't know. I have a million ideas. I will just continue to pray on it and I am sure that the answer will become clear.

Written by Melissa Fay Greene about her travels to Ethiopia to visit Haregewoin Teferra who started an orphanage after the sudden death of her husband (heart attack) and daughter (cancer). Having rented a larger home so she could have the space to care for her ill daughter, so when the "authorities" asked her to temporarily house a homeless girl she agreed. Within months she had over 40 orphans and was being faced with issues of poverty, HIV and homosexuality to name a few.

Many of the orphans pictures are included and situations are described in detail. To conclude the book the orphans who were adopted to America a brief update is also included on how adoption affected them and their families.

Finally, following are a few statistics that I wanted to share that were included in the book:

• In 2005 Ethiopia had 1,563,000 AIDS orphans (second highest concentration of AIDS orphans in the world) of those 1,400 were adopted abroad
• By 2010 between 25 - 50 million African children, from 0 - 15 will be orphans
• In 2006, 4.7 million people in Africa need AIDS drugs only 500,000 have access to them
• 6,600 Africans are dying of AIDS daily

The Miracle of Adoption (Video)

This is the best video that I've seen yet about adoption. It clearly shows the need of Ethiopia AND how faithful God is.

If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. John 14:14

The Government Increases Their Fees

There is a form called Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition -1600A that all adopting parents must fill out with the US Citizenship and Immigration Services prior to adopting. The purpose of the form (per USCIS) is to adjudicate the qualifications of the applicant(s) as prospective adoptive parents. Filing this form will generally speed up the part of the processing relating to the qualifications of the prospective adoptive parent petitioner(s).

Gladney (the agency I am adopting from) told me to fill out the form but they gave me so many forms that I said "okay" and put it in the get to it pile. This 2 page form costs $545 BUT if I do not hurry up and submit this form by July 30th the fee will increase to $750!

I suppose this is a trickle down effect from the war...but $200! What do you do? You want your kid? You pay $200 more. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

My New T-Shirt!

Look what I just ordered! How cool is that?! I ordered it in a different color of course (can I get something with orange in it? LOL).

All you Mothers that can wear the t-shirts that say "Babe Here" .... "Expecting".... "It's a Boy".... blah, blah... well, we have ours also! Expecting from Ethiopia!

If you would like to order one see http://thegoguenfamily.blogspot.com/

Single Motherhood My Choice

My friend Laura who is also adopting (her blog is Journey to Mommyhood) and I are often told that if we adopt we can forget about finding husbands. Let's see at each point in my life that I advance I am told I am decreasing the likelihood of finding a mate. When I got my MBA, a classmate's brother said I had a better chance of finding a husband being on welfare. Wow...that was a sad statement...I got my MBA; I'm still single.

When I purchased my home I quickly found out that I have a passion for design (something I had always known but ignored) and decorated my home showing this flair. What did this get me? I had men come to my home asking me how much money I made and saying no wonder I don't have a man, I don't need one. Wow...I thought.

I also realized, as I knew all along, that corporate was not for me. I had several business ventures and shared them with the men that I dated. "What you own your own business?" Hello...Hello...Hello???? The insecurity behind that! I have had men tell me that they feel insecure to me. I have dated white collar, blue collar, green collar, pink collar...I don't care! At one point I started hiding my home, my business, everything that I worked so hard to EARN and let me tell you I earned every bit of this. There was no silver spoon in my mouth! Oh how I wish it was though! Anyhow..

When I learned I had reproductive issues I decided to get off of the dating merry-go-round (so to speak) and to take matters into my own hands. I decided that I was going to have a child on my own and at this point I don't mean via adoption. Oh yes, there were guys that said they would have a child with me but when I called them they never thought that I would call. I was a little too independent for them. I didn't want their money, I simply wanted them to be a father if that is what they wanted because I had made the choice to be a single mother.

Is One Really Enough?

Since I've decided to adopt 1 now people have decided to tell me "well you should just really go ahead and adopt 2, they keep each other company". WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! TWWWOOOOOOOOOO?????????????? Did you miss the memo that says $15K = 1 AND $22K = 2...so if anyone has $22K plus transportation plus childcare for say 4 years SUREEEEEEEEEE I'm down with adopting two. I have the patience for two!

On a serious note...I really think that I will adopt again. There are far too many children that need loving homes and mothers. Maybe after I have had my experience in raising a baby I won't mind adopting an older child. Who knows. I'll remain flexible and continue to pray for guidance. The one thing that I do know is that I am evolving and becoming the person I am supposed to be and better than that the mother that I am supposed to be for 1 or for however many.

Right Hand of Fellowship

Yesterday I officially joined the church (http://www.zionchurchonline.com/) that I have been attending for a year and a half. It was beyond time. When the pastor called all those who had taken the membership class and were ready to take the right hand of fellowship to the front, I waited for others, no one went. I didn't want to be the only one at the front of the church telling my story but I guess I was supposed to be the only one at the front telling my story...so I went. The pastor said "are you nervous?" "Yes."

I stood before a few hundred members of my church and told them that I came to Zion broken. I had just come out of two and a half weeks of the hospital from near death. The end result was I could no longer have children. I was very depressed however, Zion has changed my life(I can't even express how much Zion has changed my life...as I am typing this tears are coming from my eyes and they are not of sadness they are from joy!) and my blessing now is that I am adopting a baby from Ethiopia. The church clapped and it made my heart lighter. After church so many people came up to me and thanked me for sharing my testimony.

I believe that what happened to me happened for a reason. No it wasn't pretty and it caused me a lot of pain (both emotionally and physically) but I believe that this was always my path, I was always meant to adopt. I also believe that my ministry is to help other women. I'm still trying to figure out how I am to do that but I know the Lord will show me how as I move forward with my own adoption.