Thanks to the advent of social networking, twice last week, I connected with friends I haven't seen in -- covering my mouth while saying the number -- years. I knew one of my We sent a few obligatory emails back and forth with the "WOWS" and "what is going on in your life?" After I got the updates about divorces, kids, careers, etc. I shared my big news: I'M ADOPTING!
crickets
tumbleweeds
hello...hello...helloooooooooooo
Was it something I said? I told one of them I was adopting from Africa, the other I may have said Ethiopia or I may have just said adopting, but nevertheless...
Ummm...nada
Oh, well. I guess I won't hear from them for umpteen more years again.
I guess it was something I said; I plan to say it over and over again until Baby I comes home! I'm adopting! Haters.
14 comments:
Wow. You are not alone. I have an older friend of my mine who has chosen not to stay in contact with me because of our adoption. It seems we have caused two problems for her:
1. we are adopting
2. they are of "color"
Personally, I have always thought we are all some form of color (or lack of). Yes, my husband and I are white. In fact my hubby is almost white enough to use as a good flashlight if you get lost in the woods. Just ask him to take off his shirt and the mild glow will get you home. It is sad that there are SO MANY children who need a family. When should color or whether or not they came from "your tummy" ever matter?
The moral of your story and mine Tami: True friends celebrate your adoption.
Kelli
Kelli-
You are right! And at least you know you will never get lost with your husband by your side or need batteries/candles when your electricity goes out! LOL
I've encountered the same lack of reaction and to that I say "F*** 'em!"
Yep - adoption teaches you who you really want in your life. Adopting as a single, even more so.
Thats really strange that they did not say anything, not even a weird comment to lead you to believe that the adoption was the issue. I guess people can be strange and have their own ideas. Thats funny, at least if they would have brought up something you guys could have experienced an enlightening conversation regarding adopting and adopting from Ethiopia.
It is their lost, not yours!
Just today I was thinking "who wouldn't want to adopt?" if they had the $. I guess that I am only seeing things through my eyes. I hvae always wanted to adopt. I used to BEG my parents to adopt a brother or sister for me (even though I already had one :). I guess some people just dont get it, dont have it in them. But honestly, I haven't had anay bad reactions. I don't know what people say behind my back, but to me people are encouraging. I think it takes a lot of nerve and a really mean spirit to tell someone something negative about their lives or dreams/decisions.
Tami,
I have have been following your blog for quite a while (well since last Oct when I finally joined the modern world and got myself a computer and internet). I am single also and am adopting from Ethiopia. I experience the same response from people and it does take the wind out my sails a bit. I'm sure if I were giving birth the response would be different. I actually have one long time friend who I don't think will ever think of me as an actual "real" mother even though she is supportive. Sometimes I think people don't know how to react so they just don't. There are enough people in my life who are supportive and excited that it far outweighs any negative or awkward responses. For a a while I thought it was just me but I have read enough on blogs and chatted with enough people to know it is a common experience. Thanks for posting your blog - it really goes a long way to making me feel like I'm not doing everything in my own vacuum! Anyway I hope this comment "sticks" and posts as I am not to efficient at this internet stuff yet. Here goes nothing as i press publish... :)
It's so strange isn't it? My family - like my mom and dad and siblings never ever mention it! Isn't that the strangest thing. I'm totally perplexed. The thing is I know they will be amazingly loving and totally in tune when our youngest is home AND I know they occasionally think about it but something stops them from asking.
And they have my blog address and still don't say anything.
Go figure.
But we're listening and we adore you.
I'll be glass half full girl here - any chance they just don't regularly login to facebook?
LOL...thanks Barbara. I don't have facebook. This was an email and we were going back and forth within minutes then it went dead.... so...something I said???? LOL
tami, i've actually stopped telling ppl. i figure they will see her when we get home or not at all. the crazy reactions were making me too sad.
Hi, Tami - I just found your blog as I'm doing a lot of research on Ethiopian adoption. I think my husband and I are about to start the process. Anyway, I wanted to comment on your thoughts about crickets chirping when you told people about your adoption plan. I have been experiencing the same thing lately, and I have had a hard time dealing with it. I completely understand your feelings! I'll look forward to continuing to read about your journey...
Hi Kelly-
Thanks for stopping in and good luck on your adoption as well; welcome to the world of crickets! :-) You will get over it because the thought of my daughter (or apparently my children now) coming home is greater than anything negative anyone could say to me. Plus, our community is great.
Ummm, and you said to yourself, "eff em" right???
Here's my take, if they aren't sending funds to cover the adoption expenses, who gives a darn..."TWITTER".
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