Dang Blastit!

My agency has my complete package but there is 1 document that is a little off! So, I have to: re-do the document, get it notarized, get it certified, then send to Gladney. Guess what I'm doing next week? Heading over to a gov-ment office for certification...AGAIN! Then I'm DONE!

Keep your fingers crossed that next week a little baby timeline will finally be on the top of my page.

Also, I see a lot of people have done the photo 365 project. I wanted to but before you knew it I was at day 15, 30, etc. Instead I am going to do a Project Baby I where I take a photo a day until she comes home. Since my agency wait to referral is 8-9 months and then 2-3 months travel after that it looks like I may end up doing a Project 365 after all. Stay tuned!

Also, I want to rename the blog and start over (I'm bored and have been for a long time with this blog) but I need someone to design my new page. After a few years, I'm pretty over this page. Does anyone have a suggestion for someone who designs pages at an affordable rate?

Thanks!

Happy Valentine's Day Peeps!

Well, today is my last Valentine's Day as a childless mother. YAY! Is it crazy that I feel like a mother already? I'm starting to think more like one and I love it Maybe that will make me cook more, ha! I even have on my online dating profile that I'm a mother of 1. Hey, I will be very soon so he should get that now.

I didn't feel stressed out about today at all. I went to church then came home and took a nap! I love naps - I'll miss them when Baby I comes home. Did any of the "boys" in my life even wish me a Happy Valentine's Day? Hmmm...1 did! The others didn't. I know they say it is because they think Valentine's Day is a made up day and they don't care...honestly I don't really care much about it either but it would be nice to at least hear it. I didn't ask for cards, flowers or all of that, I would prefer to be treated nicely everyday but to not even say boo. Boo! And the boy I met (mentioned on the previous post) wants to know why he wasn't mentioned...hmmmm, case in point dude, case in point. The older we get, the more set in our ways we become but bending just a little bit for someone you are interested in is necessary. Actions speak louder than words but in this case it was the action of no words that absolutely spoke volumes!

Oh...back to the post point. Happy Valentine's Day Mommies! xoxoxox

North Pole or DC?

I'm pretty sure I saw Santa Claus loading up his reindeer to head back to the North Pole saying "WT #@C%!"

How Ya Like Me Now!?

I. WILL. NOT. BE. MOCKED! At 10:20am, I finally got someone in the Secretary of State's Office and they were only open until noon today. So, I got in my SUV Crossover, put on a little ole skool, got on the phone, and drove to Annapolis. I couldn't find a parking spot so I made one and hoped for no ticket. I then trudged up the slushy, snowy, icy hills of Annapolis to...

GET MY FINAL DOCUMENTS AUTHENTICATED.

In the words of, the famous poet, Kool Moe Dee: "How ya like me now?"

Ummm...let's keep our fingers crossed that when my agency gets the package I don't have to redo anything or I don't have anything missing! Is 1:53pm too early to have a celebratory drink? LOL

The Adoption Gods Mock Me

This is day 4 of my being snowed in. I'm not complaining because this is day 2 of my being off of work and tomorrow isn't looking promising. I've actually gotten a lot done at home; it's awesome not to feel guilty about not doing anything or going anywhere because I can't get there. It is so freeing. This time in is teaching me to take more time for myself with less guilt. Anywho, I digress. The only thing that I absolutely need to do (and right now) that I have been trying to do for months and especially over the last 2 weeks is get all of my documents certified and authenticated. I mean finalizing my package, to get on my agencies waitlist, has been ridiculous. Let's recap shall we:

• I had to redo my homestudy
• My case manager tells me I can get my child protection clearance fast, Child Services tells me no-6 weeks
• I go redo my fingerprints at USCIS, a few weeks later I receive a letter that says my fingerprints were lost (I was in a 2 week period where all fingerprints were lost from the computer), I wait 6 weeks
• I go to DC to have my documents authenticated and my homestudy was notarized wrong by the agency. Wait for new notarized statement
• I need to go 2 more counties for authentication and certification but it snows! Oh, did I mention things are out of control professionally that I don't have a moment to breathe. Back to the snow. Everything is shut down. I have days off to go get my last documents authenticated and the government is closed! Of course when they open back up I won't be able to go immediately. I'm afraid to mail them b/c I don't want to wait 6 more weeks. I wonder if an overnight package will work but there is no one there to tell me!

Yes, the Adoption Gods are mocking me! I hear them now... "2 years 9 months and 3 days is NOT enough Ms. Lady. You MUST prove that you WANT to be a mother. That you have the persistence, patience, stick-to-it-ness, chutzpah, insanity, and sense of humor to be a mother." Let's see what else we have to throw at you they are saying!

C'mon Adoption Gods, give a sista' a break already!

Ethiopia is my Stand

If another person says to me why don't I stop my adoption from Ethiopia and adopt from Haiti, I might, just might go postal. Why is it that people who don't adopt feel they can say whatever they want, throw out all kind of suggestions and then have the audacity to judge you for your decision? My conversations usually go something like this:

Them: Where are you adopting from again?

Me: Ethiopia

T: Oh. Why don't you adopt from Haiti instead?

M: Because that was not my choice. Adoption is something I thought long and hard about and I have my reasons...I just didn't wake up and pick a straw.

T: Hmmm

M: Why don't you adopt from Haiti?

T: Well, I just thought it would be the same thing. And the need is so great in Haiti right now.

M: Oh, and the need is not great in Ethiopia?

T: It's not the same.

M: Why not?

T: They have so many kids without parents.

M: So does Ethiopia.

Statistics start flying around now from both people.

T: I still think it is a good idea for you.

M: Oh, do you? Would you tell a woman who is pregnant to abort her fetus and adopt from Haiti instead?

T: It's not the same thing.

M: It is too. We (APs) don't make the decision lightly and our children are already in our hearts. And we think about the same things and prepare the same way as someone who is pregnant would, minus the morning sickness and swollen ankles.

T: You are comparing apples and oranges.

M: No. So, you say it is. I still haven't heard you say you are going to adopt.

T: No

M: Stop judging me. Do I have a heavy heart for Haiti in all its forms? Yes. I've been doing what I can and hope that I can do more in the country but haven't figured out how yet; I'm in prayer about it though. However, I'm not going to have people tell me what is right for my life and my child.

More is said but you get the point. Now, I am pretty much talking very loud and fast at this point...I'm pissed! I've gotten 2 different responses to this conversation

1. I still think it is a good idea.
2. I'm sorry you were right...I don't really understand adoption and I will think before I open my mouth again.

My mother said I should have just turned them off from the beginning and she is right. I'll admit though that my adoption is so much a part of my heart that I do want to fight about it. I want people to get that this is not a one-night-stand. That I will not breakdown for anyone about this choice. I want people to get that I will not tolerate anyone berating my decision and heaven forbid my daughter when she comes home. That is absolutely out so let's have it out now! It's that old saying "you must stand for something or you will fall for anything." I want them to get that when I made a decision to adopt from Ethiopia it was my stand (ok, one of them...I had to end this post on a smiling note).

Barbie...Get It Girl!

I had tons of Barbies when I was a girl. I know a lot of people don't like them because they think it ruins a girl's self-esteem but I don't think that. For me (as a young girl) Barbie represented style, class, fashion and the it life that I knew I could have. I mean that house, those cars and the clothes! Barbie was my girl! When I grew up I kicked Barbie to the curb, for real adventures, although I wish I had kept her in the attic...sorry Barbie. I haven't thought much about Barbie until I just saw how fly "she" has gotten. I may have to start collecting Barbie now for Baby I. I'm sorry but look at those clothes...from the words of TamStyles, all I can say is Get It Girl!

My Big Mouth- Part Duex

Before I get to Part Duex, what about the boy? He is in Italy! Hmmm...yeah...have at it!

Now, moving on to my Big Azz Mouf!

So, I was on the phone with my bestfriend and was talking about my free car seat. How it was okay but I didn't plan on using it in my car. It didn't look comfy enough for my baby girl's precious, diva head. Let's not even mention it wasn't cute enough to be in my car. She agreed that I should get a Britax. But then I couldn't leave well enough alone, it was like I had diarrhea of the mouth. I then said, you know the car seat will be good for an extra car. I'm going to give it to A and her husband because they are going to help me with pickups plus since she is the godmother I have to make sure she has all the tools. OOOOPPPPPSSSSSSS! As soon as I said it I was like #$%! I never had that conversation with her to tell her the reasons why I chose the other friend as the godmother. As soon as I said it I heard her say OOOHHH. It was shock and disbelief. You know like Be-atch we've been best friends for 20 years and this is how you treat me! I felt about the size of an ant right then saying please step on me. So, in hopes of creating a diversion, I just did what I do best...kept talking. I mentioned "the other woman" again so it didn't seem so obvious. Mind you, I knew I messed up but what was I supposed to do? Well, I didn't have to do anything, my bestie got off the phone with me, along with the shock in her voice. I was so distraught. I never want to hurt her feelings because I love her bunches. Literally my heart was hurting at that moment because I knew hers was. I didn't know what to do but I had to act fast. I was afraid to call again, so I did what any self respecting woman would do who just stuck her foot in her mouth I sent an email! The email was grovelling and went something like this:

...I would go to the end of the earth for you. I shed tears for you. I won’t give you my last dime (LOL) but I will split it with you as we have both proven that. I never, ever, ever, ever want to heart you. You are closer to me than my sisters...you ARE my family. I see you as my child’s aunt, my child’s family. When I thought about raising my daughter alone and creating a family for her alone in DC I thought about who my friends were. ...they are amazingly good friends and parents. They are always there for me and have promised to help me with Baby I when she comes home...pickups from daycare, babysitting, etc. And for Latinos, padrinos are very important roles not taken lightly...it really is a parental role. I want Baby I to know that although she is being raised by a single mother that she comes from a community that loves her dearly and this choice I made to “have” her was not taken lightly and she will have has much normalcy (role models and family) as I can provide. I often feel bad that I am not there to be a part of my godson's life while he is growing up. I don’t want him to just know me on the phone, I want him to know me and really love me like he does his other Aunts, but right now I’m just that person Aunt Tami (on the phone). I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER would intentionally hurt you...now unintentionally...that has been proven many times...lol. I love you as much as I love me...even as I type this I have tears in my eyes b/c I was am so... I’m an idiot......please forgive my stupidity and mouth that just won’t stop sometimes. I gotta work on that!

Yes, this is part of the actual email. It isn't that eloquent and has lots of mistakes but I was frantic and just had to get something out. This should give you an idea of what was going on in my head.

Her response was...

"It caught me off guard but I understand. It was difficult deciding with the two kids so I know the thought process. no worries, my feelings aren't hurt."

We've never spoken on the topic again. I know it mattered and hurt but this MOUF has a mind of its own on occasion!

Now, you are probably wondering what is going to happen now that I have this information on the blog. Won't it bring up bad memories again? The answer is...No. Neither of them read the blog so I'm pretty safe. Now, they will probably both read it and respond to this post and my poor little baby won't have any godparents and it will all be because of her mamma's MOUF!