You Can Call Her...

ISLEY

Yes, Sen and Mercy you were right in the name game. Baby I's name is Isley "R" (oh, yes another letter we cannot share the official name of until we pass court). After looking at that beautiful face I just couldn't stand to call her Baby I again.

And no one got the date guess correct. And Rebecca you were the only one to guess 3 months for Isley's age. Now what do you win? I have no idea! LOL I'm terrible at mailing things, but since I'm in such a great mood these days send me your mailing address and I'll find a little token to send.

So, until I write the next post, here are some fun facts about Isley R, she:

• is a happy and healthy 3 month old (translation...stealing the other kids bottles)
• looks like a chocolate cherub (translation: sweet and beautiful with pouty lips) or an M&M (translation: round and bald head)
• has the biggest prettiest eyes (translation: will be able to wrap everyone around her finger...my girl)
• is very verbal (translation: has a big mouth like the rest of her family)
• loves to play (translation: will be creative)
• has the cutest little smirks and smiles (translation: will get into everything)

Thanks all for being such a great source of support throughout the years. And I am so excited about all the new Gladney APs that stopped by to say congrats...what an awesome community! Now, I can finally get to some real posts again! I'm even going to get a new blog and I have a new title I'm excited about! I'll move over when Isley comes home and the adventure begins. Wanna know what it is or should I wait? See I'm pretty verbal too (translation: big mouth). ;-)

Wanna Play Another Game?

What do you think this is?

Want to start Again With the Date Game?

Well, since I haven't gotten a referral yet, that means no one was a winner. So, how about trying again...nothing beats a failure but a try. What day will I receive a referral? LOL Have fun! (ha ha) In the meantime I guess I'll send off paperwork for updating fingerprints! sighh

And I Wait...

This is pretty much what my family room looks like right now. Me trying to keep busy, with my phone(s) on the table, food, nail polish, bills, comforters, laundry, movies, books...ughh, sighhhh. What is this like week 226? Seriously! I'm over this already! Baby I will be like 20 or better yet I'll be like 60 when she comes home. Oy vey!

Edit: I officially calculated how long I have been in this process and as of Nov. 28th it has been 1,255 Days -- or -- 179 Weeks and 2 Days. I'm ridiculous and now should be shot (figuratively please)! I know life happens but ughhhhhhh!

ARGHHHHHHHH!

Since this is a Christian Blog... I won't say uncool words but WTX%$#!

I am so loosing my mind over here! Shut up Robbin!

H&M has finally realized diversity pays the rent

I'm not a big H&M shopper. The clothes are cute, but they don't last long. In my youth (yea, I said it) I would have been all over H&M like white on rice, but now I only go in occasionally. Those occasions are when I am with a younger friend who is dying to go or with one of my BFF who is a size negligible and will look good in a brown paper sack (even at age xx...older). Usually I will pick up an item or two but that's it. It's always a great idea to mix the inexpensive with my vintage, TJMaxx and couture pieces. I also hear they have a kids line so this will be awesome for Baby I...well that is until I see how they wash. I've seen a few pieces in the thrift store and they looked trashed! Maybe Not?

While I may not be a fan of shopping at H&M their holiday campaign is fabulous! Look who is represented:

Yay, beautiful Ethiopian and Somalian women - Waris Dirie and Liya Kebde - do your thing! They make me want to go buy something...what the heck, my own stimulus plan!

G-MA's Surprise Baby Shower

My mother is so excited about Baby I and all of her friends know it! I've finally gotten her under control about asking me "what is going on" because it drives me a little nuts (more than I already am). When people ask me "so, what's going on with your daughter?" I know they mean well, but does anyone not think that they would not know (especially my family) when I receive (and accept) a referral. It will be pretty clear that Baby I is in the house. Oh, yes it will...Baby I will be in the house. And she may even have a name. ;-)

Oh, I digress, this post wasn't supposed to be about me...back to my mother. She is so excited! This past weekend her girlfriends told her they were getting together for drinks and they gave her a grandmother's shower. Awwww. Baby I's first shower! Ok, Tami's friends...you all need to get on it...dang it back to me again. tee hee.

Check the goods out below, nice huh?

Sit still Too Long and I'll Paint You

No, there has not been any movement with Baby I or you can call her Isa, Isla, Ivy, Isley or Imani. :-) Robbin told me I'm not stable right now; actually she told Celeste, but then she told me. What a friend, however she is right. You know that FBI list the APs made? I never, ever, ever checked it until recently, now I'm a mad woman about it! I must check that list 6 times a day. Oh, wait... I haven't checked it in a few hours I'll be back. Nothing new, just the same family who went on the waitlist the same day as I and they were referred twin girls (awesome). Hey, I want to know if anyone has gotten a referral before me! And if so, who? Then why! LOL LUNATIC! ME! I admit it!

In my off lunatic moments, I am doing useful projects like repainting my house. Yes, my entire house. I was just bored with it. I decorated my house about 5 or more years ago and it just didn't reflect who I am today, so it was time to start over. I have plenty of energy now, what the heck. Word to the wise, don't come and visit me or if you do, don't stand still too long because if you do, I just may paint you. Guess I'll go back to painting the living room and sunroom. I'm a little ADD so I have to do like 2-3 projects at once. I'll let you know when everything is finished and send you to whatever blog is showing my home which will more than likely be Desire to Inspire. It won't be until the spring/summer, I'll let you know.

Well...

Those who said 10.20 and 10.21 for referral dates? WRONG!

Still no referral.

No one said any day next week, I don't know if that is a good sign or a bad sign.

Anywhoo...maybe next week is "the week."

Have a great weekend!

Bi-Racial Hair Video...a must see

If you have followed this blog since the beginning (silly you) then you know I used to be controversial. However, after three years (yes 3) I got old and tired, the adoption process beat me up and I was forced to chill out. Well, I've rested. Have lots of energy and starting to feel like the old me again, so I thought what better way to begin anew than to stir up a little controversy. I mean emotions...or maybe that is thinking. Dangit where are those strikeout functions for blogger?

;-)

Warning: if you are new to this blog, please don't view the video below if:

• you want to remain in a bubble, have no feelings (either way)
• think times are changing and racism doesn't exist and
• think it's perfectly normal for the Duggars to have 1 more child. I don't know what the Duggars has to do with this video or post but seriously 19 kids? OUCHHHHHHHH

So, here is the video Bi-Racial Hair. I had so many emotions when I viewed it. There were many umms and oohhs and yeahs and yups and wows that came out of my mouth. I had to view it twice. My cousin said she had to undergo some brief trauma counseling afterward. LOL Let me know what you think and we can have a deeper conversation in the comments section.

Again...remember you have been warned. See this is the nicer, kinder, gentler Tami.

How Old?

Gotta get this one out there...How old do you think Baby I will be at referral?

So far I have 3 guessing games going:

• Name
• Age
• Date

Who will win? Maybe I can come up with some sort of prize but I tell you...you might not get it until next year! LOL Maybe the AW will mail it for me.

Top 5 Baby Names

Well here are the top 5 baby names for Baby I. One is actually my sunshine's name:

1. Ila
2. Isla
3. Ivy
4. Isley
5. Imani

So many names, so little time.

Let's Play: Guess that Date!

I was told by the Adoption Whisperer (AW-Robbin) that it was time for me to play a few games. So, Robbin, here I go following the rules of the adoption blogdom (or is that blogsphere?).

This game is just for shintz and giggles because I am terrible about mailing packages (sometimes they never get mailed). Sad, but true...so, there are NO prizes. Unless of course the AW wants to provide one to the winner. ;-)

Moving on...passing time.

When do you think I'll get my referral?

ARGGHHHHH!

Nothing else left to say!

Entrance to Wonder

There would have been no wonder without the doorway that Alice finally managed to enter. That colorful and whimsical doorway foretold what adventures were waiting for Alice on the other side.

That must mean that Baby I must have a fabulous door for her room and life of wonder to come. You got it! I bought my baby a new door today (the room didn't have a door so and any ole door would not do, nope!).

Behold the entrance to Baby I's Wonderland (oh, the picture stinks b/c I have no camera). It is so tiny it's anti-climatic I know but you get the point. :-).

Adoption Timeline

Why is it that my last Adoption Timeline update was 12/9/09?

LOL

I pretty much suck.

Hey Robbin?

Can you give me some dates for this timeline? You keep my dates better than me!

Guess I'll update them this weekend!

BTW...I'm going crazy over here. I must be if I'm blogging when I know no one reads! I think I'll email Gladney! LOL

Today I Shed a Tear (Tears)

Today I shed my first adoption tear.

No, I had a big cry and it was at work.

Why?

A former co-worker had just returned from a soul searching two-month trip to India to visit her birth and adoptive parents. She was talking about how great the trip was, but at some point in the conversation she mentioned how her birth mother had been sad at different points in her life (she knew her, although she didn't find out that it was her birth mother until she was an adult) about giving her up for adoption (to a family member). At that point it clicked that my excitement (about this adoption) was at the cost of someone's grief. How excited I was, but how sad a mother and family must be to be giving a child up. That made my heart literally hurt and stomach sink, I just started crying at work. My friend had to come across the desk and calm me down then take me and buy me hot chocolate. She provided as much encouragement and support as she could and the only words I could muster were:

"I just want to do the right thing and be a great mother."

I guess as I'm on the final countdown to my referral it is getting very real and these are probably normal worries. I just pray that the little spirit that God blesses me to watch over that her birth mother and family have enough faith to know that she will be ok. That God has placed her with a mother who has been preparing for her and waiting for her for a long time. That she will love, support, guide and raise her to be a proud, smart, respectful, Christian, fun loving, creative and confidant woman. Proud to be all that she is by birth and by growth. Baby I has much to look forward to and as her mother so do I and even with the tears today and the ones I will undoubtedly have to come, SO DO I! I can't wait.

Stay Tuned...

Baby I in Wonderland

I'm working on the nursery! If you didn't remember (how could you since it was years ago) I am a part time interior decorator, so I am somewhat particular when it comes to my design. Translation very slow! I have been thinking about this nursery for a year! LOL It is going to be a combination of the following three rooms -- if you have any imagination but there won't be any big pictures of panties I promise! I started to block that out but it made me laugh so I left it alone, I figured you would scratch your head a little and say what the heck is that Tami up to now? In my house we are calling it Baby I in Wonderland. ;-)

Because I like it!

Well, I would narrow the names down but why spoil all the fun? Maybe you guessed it. Maybe you didn't. Will my feelings be hurt if you don't like my kid's name? Nope! Why? Because...I like it! And so will my little Baby I.

No referral news yet.

Top Baby Names

Okay, my faithful blog friend Sen (why am I not connected with you on facebook) asked me about Baby names. Let's play. I already have a name picked out because...I like it! So, why don't you guess. Feel free to give me your feedback, I'm not going to change it...it will just be fun. Will I tell you before referral? No. lol If you know her name...play along and act stupid. ;-)

Top Names for Baby I:

1. Icelynn
2. Isabella
3. Ivy
4. Isla
5. Isley
6. Iman
7. Isra
8. Ila
9. Ilana
10. Imani

So much for 5. It's in there. Good Luck. Maybe I'll narrow it down to Top 5 in a week or so.

Still Here

Yes, I am still here.

No news.

Nothing new.

Just boring ole me. I had dreams of posting baby pictures of me up until the referral but that didn't happen. I had dreams of taking pictures until she came home but that isn't happening. Oh, I had so many dreams. Now, I just dream of getting up everyday and putting one foot in front of the other. Yes, it is like that some days. UGGGGHHH!

I have started shopping again. Yay! Working on the nursery and playroom. I'm busy. Maybe I do have some pictures to post.

Who knows, I may get a burst of energy one day.

If you still read this...you get much credit for following my longggggg journey. Thanks for your support.

So, How Should I Be Acting?

I had a friend question if I was preparing properly for my daughter to come home (forgive me friend if this is not what you meant). I stopped being stressed long ago about this adoption process. When my referral of my precious Baby I comes it comes, until then I am enjoying my summer, making adjustments and "getting my life/house together." I think I've done pretty much everything I need to thus far:

• childcare identified
• support systems in place
• doctor (I need to work on that)
• bedroom room set-up (I'll do that at referral)
• cultural relationships/friends established for Mommy and Baby I

Now, I'm just chillin', working on a few projects, getting to know some new people (some of which I won't know after this summer, but a free meal and a few laughs can't be bad) and just being. Possibly my nonstressed out attitude from the days of yore (really this is who I "used" to be, that crazy questioning, stressed chic is ALMOST gone!) have my friends concerned or have them thinking I'm not preparing properly but...I actually think I'm good. And as my mother told me, no matter how hard I try I'm going to miss something so I need to just relax.

So, my question to you all...what were you doing the last few months while waiting for your child(ren) to come home?

Thursday Thrift...It's a party (dress) for Baby I!

I'm at 4 1/2 months of waiting for Baby I and I'm chillin'. Not going stir crazy. Not really doing anything. Really. I've actually just started shopping again. Remember, in the beginning I was shopping like a mad woman? Yes, I had to put that on hold for the last year, but it's back ON...ok slightly. For only the good stuff because I'm really expecting some good hand-me downs...hmmm somebody??? LOL

Today, I went to the thrift store and started looking through the kids clothes. Now, when I look I'm not just looking for cute stuff I'm looking for extraordinarily cute and expensive stuff. I mean if it isn't expensive to begin with then what's the point? It helps that in my past life (when I had lots of money...before this crazy economy) I had lots of loot and I was a label whore. It also has something to do with my design background because I can pick a diamond out of a pile of horse manure (ewwww). Well, sometimes that is what it is like at a thrift store. Just keepin' it real...but when you find that DIAMOND...BAAAABBBBYYYYYY!

So, I went through a few items and went straight to this beautiful dress (really it's much cuter in person. It's silk and really cute!).

I looked at the label (Calypso) and JACKPOT! Not to mention, the dress had not even been worn. I came home and looked online for the dress (here) and it was on FINAL SALE for $75 (originally $125). SERIOUSLY?

Tami paid......

DRUMROLL PLEASEEEEE

$2.96

THAT'S RIGHT. DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I GET FABULOUS BARGAINS AND YOU DON'T. teee heeeeee heee hee.

xoxoxoxox

Square Biz - Again???

Remember this post: http://tami-borninmyheart.blogspot.com/2008/10/calling-all-squares.html

It's that time again. My friend, who is making Baby I's quilt, said I better start collecting all of the squares, so I thought I would try this again. Last time I was a, well, uh...square failure. I never sent off my squares to the other people who sent me squares. And the bad thing about it is, I had their squares. I still have their squares, in my office, with the envelopes and everything. I am just terrible about mailing things. If I have to mail something, I now know, it probably won't get done...online billpayer is for me.

So, if you want to participate in the quilt for Baby I (clearly not for her trifling mother) please do! Here is how:

1. Choose ANY 100% cotton fabric that you like of African origin or that has special meaning (just tell us what it is).

2. Pre-wash and press the fabric. Then cut two (2) 8" squares from the fabric.

3. Include your "good wish note" on a 3 x 5 card, being sure to sign and date it. I will place all your wishes in a scrapbook that will be given to Baby I one day. If you decide to participate THANKS and I can't wait to see the squares you send! If you don't participate...I'll still like you anyway, read your blog and let you read mine. :-)

Please leave me a message (with your email address if I don't have it) if you would like to participate and I will send you my mailing address.

Jesus Take The Wheel

I've been praying a lot lately and as my cousin said last night he believes that something great is about to happen for me (more than just Baby I although that will be AWESOME). This is not just my transition time but my time.

I took a whole lot of time (2+ years) to become "official" because I just had a lot of stuff going on in my mind and on my plate. Right now much of that "stuff" is gone, but please believe the rest of the stuff that is a major concern I'm working to eliminate...it will be out of here soon. What is the definition of insanity? Exactly! I'm no longer doing those same things over and over.

I want to have a clear head when Baby I comes home, but as my mother says there is never a perfect time. So, the one thing I have been doing all of these months is trying to get my life right with God...without Him I am nothing. I am much more peaceful, prayerful, faithful, joyful...all of those pleasant "ful" words. ;-)

Also, I forgot to share this little story that happened to me last year. I've always heard different people say how God spoke to them. I really would think yea, ok. I just didn't understand or know how that could happen until it happened to me. The week before last I went to sleep and in a dream God said to me "Tami I am your only way. Tami I am the only answer. Come to me for all of your problems. I am the only way." I woke up with a huge migraine (that's how I know when my dreams are real) and said ok, I get it...I hear you. Ever since then I've been recommitting my life. I'm so sold out on The G-O-D. I mean he is some kind of AWESOME - trust me - he has given me so much favor and carried me through so much when clearly I should have had much more than a bruised knee. How can I not love and adore him? How can I not be sold out on him?

Sorry for getting extra on you this morning but...I was just feeling it and had to tell you how Great My/Our God is and play one of my favorite songs for you.

Take it away Carrie:

I Used To Be Like This

It's so funny, when I started this process I was full of hope like this.

I had all the opinions in the world like this.

I kept my ears on the boards and made great fun like this.

If anyone plucked a nerve they got this.

I was always known to find a bargain, like this.

I shared my dreams, like this.

My house (in or out) was good for a laugh or two, like this.

But lately the only thing I seem to be full of or known for is this.

Yup.

A grumpy bear.

or

For those of you checking this blog a big fat ZERO!

I'm a Grump with nothing insightful to say like the other bloggers who blogged all the way up to their babes coming home...I guess I would have if this process would not have taken me so stinkin' long, sorry.

I'm trying to make lemonade over here but frankly I have a freakin' worm on the inside of it.

I'm sure by the time Baby I gets here there will be no blogging but I figure I will just keep this up as best possible for the few that have followed me for these excruciating 2+ years.

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I'm trying to start this waiting process out sane (as possible that is)

Last night I was talking to the Adoption Whisperer (Robbin) and she asked me what day did I receive my letter stating I was officially waiting?

T: I don't know.

R: What do you mean you don't know? We all know that day? Stop lying!

T: Really I don't know. It was like 2 weeks ago. Hell, my process has been so long I stopped counting dates.

R: You mean to tell me you FINALLY got the "date" and you don't remember?

T: NOPE!

R: .......

R: really?

T: Yes, Robbin, really. I can look it up if you like. Let's just say it was 2-3 weeks ago ok?

R: You are going to want to know that day when people are getting their referrals before you.

T: LOL . OK, I'll start to be concerned in October when courts reopen. I'll start praying and hoping for favor then OK?

R: OK.

Week 2 - Smoothie Failure

Warm weather = smoothies

Maybe?

3 Pictures are Worth A Thousand Words

Baby I's Playroom which is now my loft storage room. It's a Good Thing I have many months to clean this joker (and get new railings). If you didn't know, it was totally cleaned and cleared out last summer (2009)!

Week 1 - AWL (After Waitlist)

I'm blaming the Project Baby I failure on all of you. What are you really posting daily? Really? Are you kidding? What? Seriously? Yea, OK!

I got skerd! LOL Right! I'm a punk and you knew it. Project Baby I pictures will be weekly. Who was I really fooling. Obviously not you all. tee hee. After over 2 years you know me by now. Slow. Procrastinator. AND SLOW. ;-)

I will have (maybe) the perfect picture of what my life currently looks like posted tomorrow. Too bad I don't have a fabulous camera to take pictures with. I'm saving my pennies to get one by the time I take my first trip to Ethiopia to see my little munchkin. What camera should I get Kristine, Tam, Laura, Robbin or you other fab picture takers? Please school me.

On the other update front. Remember the Italy man? Yea, me either. LOL

Am I supposed to be posting weekly pictures or something until I get a referral? I mean I'm the last of the Mohican's so I guess I can make my own game up I guess that is why I have Project Baby I. Weekly photos....I guess those photos can be of me or anything I want them to. Right? I'm sure Robbin will correct me since she is the Adoption Whisper.

Is it Just Me or...

Are you all just ignoring the fact that I now have an official waiting for Baby I bar on my blog????

Day 1 of Project Baby I tomorrow. Wish me luck. I don't do very good at these every day post things...but the baby, the baby. lol

Awww Yeaaa!

And this little thing belongs. Awww yea!

Dang Blastit!

My agency has my complete package but there is 1 document that is a little off! So, I have to: re-do the document, get it notarized, get it certified, then send to Gladney. Guess what I'm doing next week? Heading over to a gov-ment office for certification...AGAIN! Then I'm DONE!

Keep your fingers crossed that next week a little baby timeline will finally be on the top of my page.

Also, I see a lot of people have done the photo 365 project. I wanted to but before you knew it I was at day 15, 30, etc. Instead I am going to do a Project Baby I where I take a photo a day until she comes home. Since my agency wait to referral is 8-9 months and then 2-3 months travel after that it looks like I may end up doing a Project 365 after all. Stay tuned!

Also, I want to rename the blog and start over (I'm bored and have been for a long time with this blog) but I need someone to design my new page. After a few years, I'm pretty over this page. Does anyone have a suggestion for someone who designs pages at an affordable rate?

Thanks!

Happy Valentine's Day Peeps!

Well, today is my last Valentine's Day as a childless mother. YAY! Is it crazy that I feel like a mother already? I'm starting to think more like one and I love it Maybe that will make me cook more, ha! I even have on my online dating profile that I'm a mother of 1. Hey, I will be very soon so he should get that now.

I didn't feel stressed out about today at all. I went to church then came home and took a nap! I love naps - I'll miss them when Baby I comes home. Did any of the "boys" in my life even wish me a Happy Valentine's Day? Hmmm...1 did! The others didn't. I know they say it is because they think Valentine's Day is a made up day and they don't care...honestly I don't really care much about it either but it would be nice to at least hear it. I didn't ask for cards, flowers or all of that, I would prefer to be treated nicely everyday but to not even say boo. Boo! And the boy I met (mentioned on the previous post) wants to know why he wasn't mentioned...hmmmm, case in point dude, case in point. The older we get, the more set in our ways we become but bending just a little bit for someone you are interested in is necessary. Actions speak louder than words but in this case it was the action of no words that absolutely spoke volumes!

Oh...back to the post point. Happy Valentine's Day Mommies! xoxoxox

North Pole or DC?

I'm pretty sure I saw Santa Claus loading up his reindeer to head back to the North Pole saying "WT #@C%!"

How Ya Like Me Now!?

I. WILL. NOT. BE. MOCKED! At 10:20am, I finally got someone in the Secretary of State's Office and they were only open until noon today. So, I got in my SUV Crossover, put on a little ole skool, got on the phone, and drove to Annapolis. I couldn't find a parking spot so I made one and hoped for no ticket. I then trudged up the slushy, snowy, icy hills of Annapolis to...

GET MY FINAL DOCUMENTS AUTHENTICATED.

In the words of, the famous poet, Kool Moe Dee: "How ya like me now?"

Ummm...let's keep our fingers crossed that when my agency gets the package I don't have to redo anything or I don't have anything missing! Is 1:53pm too early to have a celebratory drink? LOL

The Adoption Gods Mock Me

This is day 4 of my being snowed in. I'm not complaining because this is day 2 of my being off of work and tomorrow isn't looking promising. I've actually gotten a lot done at home; it's awesome not to feel guilty about not doing anything or going anywhere because I can't get there. It is so freeing. This time in is teaching me to take more time for myself with less guilt. Anywho, I digress. The only thing that I absolutely need to do (and right now) that I have been trying to do for months and especially over the last 2 weeks is get all of my documents certified and authenticated. I mean finalizing my package, to get on my agencies waitlist, has been ridiculous. Let's recap shall we:

• I had to redo my homestudy
• My case manager tells me I can get my child protection clearance fast, Child Services tells me no-6 weeks
• I go redo my fingerprints at USCIS, a few weeks later I receive a letter that says my fingerprints were lost (I was in a 2 week period where all fingerprints were lost from the computer), I wait 6 weeks
• I go to DC to have my documents authenticated and my homestudy was notarized wrong by the agency. Wait for new notarized statement
• I need to go 2 more counties for authentication and certification but it snows! Oh, did I mention things are out of control professionally that I don't have a moment to breathe. Back to the snow. Everything is shut down. I have days off to go get my last documents authenticated and the government is closed! Of course when they open back up I won't be able to go immediately. I'm afraid to mail them b/c I don't want to wait 6 more weeks. I wonder if an overnight package will work but there is no one there to tell me!

Yes, the Adoption Gods are mocking me! I hear them now... "2 years 9 months and 3 days is NOT enough Ms. Lady. You MUST prove that you WANT to be a mother. That you have the persistence, patience, stick-to-it-ness, chutzpah, insanity, and sense of humor to be a mother." Let's see what else we have to throw at you they are saying!

C'mon Adoption Gods, give a sista' a break already!

Ethiopia is my Stand

If another person says to me why don't I stop my adoption from Ethiopia and adopt from Haiti, I might, just might go postal. Why is it that people who don't adopt feel they can say whatever they want, throw out all kind of suggestions and then have the audacity to judge you for your decision? My conversations usually go something like this:

Them: Where are you adopting from again?

Me: Ethiopia

T: Oh. Why don't you adopt from Haiti instead?

M: Because that was not my choice. Adoption is something I thought long and hard about and I have my reasons...I just didn't wake up and pick a straw.

T: Hmmm

M: Why don't you adopt from Haiti?

T: Well, I just thought it would be the same thing. And the need is so great in Haiti right now.

M: Oh, and the need is not great in Ethiopia?

T: It's not the same.

M: Why not?

T: They have so many kids without parents.

M: So does Ethiopia.

Statistics start flying around now from both people.

T: I still think it is a good idea for you.

M: Oh, do you? Would you tell a woman who is pregnant to abort her fetus and adopt from Haiti instead?

T: It's not the same thing.

M: It is too. We (APs) don't make the decision lightly and our children are already in our hearts. And we think about the same things and prepare the same way as someone who is pregnant would, minus the morning sickness and swollen ankles.

T: You are comparing apples and oranges.

M: No. So, you say it is. I still haven't heard you say you are going to adopt.

T: No

M: Stop judging me. Do I have a heavy heart for Haiti in all its forms? Yes. I've been doing what I can and hope that I can do more in the country but haven't figured out how yet; I'm in prayer about it though. However, I'm not going to have people tell me what is right for my life and my child.

More is said but you get the point. Now, I am pretty much talking very loud and fast at this point...I'm pissed! I've gotten 2 different responses to this conversation

1. I still think it is a good idea.
2. I'm sorry you were right...I don't really understand adoption and I will think before I open my mouth again.

My mother said I should have just turned them off from the beginning and she is right. I'll admit though that my adoption is so much a part of my heart that I do want to fight about it. I want people to get that this is not a one-night-stand. That I will not breakdown for anyone about this choice. I want people to get that I will not tolerate anyone berating my decision and heaven forbid my daughter when she comes home. That is absolutely out so let's have it out now! It's that old saying "you must stand for something or you will fall for anything." I want them to get that when I made a decision to adopt from Ethiopia it was my stand (ok, one of them...I had to end this post on a smiling note).

Barbie...Get It Girl!

I had tons of Barbies when I was a girl. I know a lot of people don't like them because they think it ruins a girl's self-esteem but I don't think that. For me (as a young girl) Barbie represented style, class, fashion and the it life that I knew I could have. I mean that house, those cars and the clothes! Barbie was my girl! When I grew up I kicked Barbie to the curb, for real adventures, although I wish I had kept her in the attic...sorry Barbie. I haven't thought much about Barbie until I just saw how fly "she" has gotten. I may have to start collecting Barbie now for Baby I. I'm sorry but look at those clothes...from the words of TamStyles, all I can say is Get It Girl!

My Big Mouth- Part Duex

Before I get to Part Duex, what about the boy? He is in Italy! Hmmm...yeah...have at it!

Now, moving on to my Big Azz Mouf!

So, I was on the phone with my bestfriend and was talking about my free car seat. How it was okay but I didn't plan on using it in my car. It didn't look comfy enough for my baby girl's precious, diva head. Let's not even mention it wasn't cute enough to be in my car. She agreed that I should get a Britax. But then I couldn't leave well enough alone, it was like I had diarrhea of the mouth. I then said, you know the car seat will be good for an extra car. I'm going to give it to A and her husband because they are going to help me with pickups plus since she is the godmother I have to make sure she has all the tools. OOOOPPPPPSSSSSSS! As soon as I said it I was like #$%! I never had that conversation with her to tell her the reasons why I chose the other friend as the godmother. As soon as I said it I heard her say OOOHHH. It was shock and disbelief. You know like Be-atch we've been best friends for 20 years and this is how you treat me! I felt about the size of an ant right then saying please step on me. So, in hopes of creating a diversion, I just did what I do best...kept talking. I mentioned "the other woman" again so it didn't seem so obvious. Mind you, I knew I messed up but what was I supposed to do? Well, I didn't have to do anything, my bestie got off the phone with me, along with the shock in her voice. I was so distraught. I never want to hurt her feelings because I love her bunches. Literally my heart was hurting at that moment because I knew hers was. I didn't know what to do but I had to act fast. I was afraid to call again, so I did what any self respecting woman would do who just stuck her foot in her mouth I sent an email! The email was grovelling and went something like this:

...I would go to the end of the earth for you. I shed tears for you. I won’t give you my last dime (LOL) but I will split it with you as we have both proven that. I never, ever, ever, ever want to heart you. You are closer to me than my sisters...you ARE my family. I see you as my child’s aunt, my child’s family. When I thought about raising my daughter alone and creating a family for her alone in DC I thought about who my friends were. ...they are amazingly good friends and parents. They are always there for me and have promised to help me with Baby I when she comes home...pickups from daycare, babysitting, etc. And for Latinos, padrinos are very important roles not taken lightly...it really is a parental role. I want Baby I to know that although she is being raised by a single mother that she comes from a community that loves her dearly and this choice I made to “have” her was not taken lightly and she will have has much normalcy (role models and family) as I can provide. I often feel bad that I am not there to be a part of my godson's life while he is growing up. I don’t want him to just know me on the phone, I want him to know me and really love me like he does his other Aunts, but right now I’m just that person Aunt Tami (on the phone). I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER would intentionally hurt you...now unintentionally...that has been proven many times...lol. I love you as much as I love me...even as I type this I have tears in my eyes b/c I was am so... I’m an idiot......please forgive my stupidity and mouth that just won’t stop sometimes. I gotta work on that!

Yes, this is part of the actual email. It isn't that eloquent and has lots of mistakes but I was frantic and just had to get something out. This should give you an idea of what was going on in my head.

Her response was...

"It caught me off guard but I understand. It was difficult deciding with the two kids so I know the thought process. no worries, my feelings aren't hurt."

We've never spoken on the topic again. I know it mattered and hurt but this MOUF has a mind of its own on occasion!

Now, you are probably wondering what is going to happen now that I have this information on the blog. Won't it bring up bad memories again? The answer is...No. Neither of them read the blog so I'm pretty safe. Now, they will probably both read it and respond to this post and my poor little baby won't have any godparents and it will all be because of her mamma's MOUF!

FYI...

I know I owe you all many posts, but I have been crazy busy with work. I promise part 2 of the "my baby godparents" story in a few days but until then I have an ANNOUNCEMENT.

I met this man ( a few months ago) who I gave my adoption blog address to this week. He looked at it and wanted to know why I hadn't mentioned him. Hmmmm...because you may not be around long enough for anyone to really care I wasn't thinking! But, since he asked...I decided to appease, hmmm humor share my enthusiasm about meeting him. So, here it goes...

I MET A BOY! He's cute, nice, employed, funny, a Christian and a little difficult but I think you need to be a little difficult lest I run allover you. There you have it MAN!

2009...

SEE YA!

KICK ROCKS!

GET THE HE#$ OUTTA HERE!

HAPPY TO SEE YOU GO!

I WON'T MISS YOU!

YOU STUNK!

R.I.P.

Can you tell I'm ecstatic to see it go? YUP! The 90s were great! The 01s (I guess that is what you call it) sucked! I almost died, lost a lot of money, shut 2 businesses down, met and dated a bunch of bums, gained weight, lost teeth & bought new ones (long story), had a car totaled, lost friends & family members (both literally and figuratively), lost my faith & lost faith in myself.

I'm looking forward to the 10s (that sounds weird). I have finally found my own, my faith is the strongest ever, my baby girl is coming home, I have lots of true friends to begin anew and can't wait to see what else happens but I know it is going to be all good.

Welcome 2010! I'm very happy to have you here.