Tuesday, October 7, 2008

This week on EthioAdopt

This week on EthioAdopt:

Sally told Margie (names changed to protect the innocent) I don't know what I should do about educating my Ethiopian child.  We enjoy living in our homogeneous neighborhood and feel it is much safer than moving to a more diverse area.  We don't think our child will be adversely affected.  Will he Margie?  I mean it just seems to me that some people think white people shouldn't (a) adopt black kids or (b) should live in black neighborhoods regardless of the cost of safety, schools, etc.  so the children can see more black faces.  This baffles me.  I mean I've never heard of diverse neighborhoods or any neighborhoods with majority black people that are safe.  And heavens to betsy, there can't possibly be any schools that have a lot of black faces with smart black kids, that just can't be so.  Sally do you really think that is true?  That's what they say in the paper Margie.  

On the other side of town, a group of mothers were having a race discussion at a park, while watching their little ones play nicely...too bad everyone can't get along like that.  "The parents who are alive and giving up their children don't give a rats A$S  about whether they are being raised by white people or will go to a more than white school...they are sacrificing for their children so that their children can have a life.  My boy's mom never said to me, 'will they go to a school where more people look like them? I'm seriously concerned about their self esteem as they grow up.' "   So,  Marilyn because the mother never said those words to you what?  Discount the fact that they are black?  Don't acknowledge it?  Don't believe it has anything to do with building positive self-esteem?  Oh, I know...they are different than the other little black kids?  That will be a great self-esteem builder and help them to make lots of friends in high places.  They should do well with other people that look like them and don't look like them.  Oy, vey!  

"Joshua!  Stop pulling Kaylie's hair!"  


21 comments:

kristine said...

Oy vey indeed! I accidentally pulled up the Ethiopia Adoption big board and the first post was yet another ignorant white woman saying what you just wrote here. I guess I'm not surprised at the selfishness but it's so so sad for the children.

It should be a requirement for black children to be adopted into families with a very strong and diverse network of African Americans. Required. Period.

JourneytoFamily said...

Race is definitely an issue. And if people are going to adopt transracially, they need to educate themselves on transracial issues. They need to do what is necessary to make sure their children grow up with a healthy self-esteem and a strong sense of self. (stepping off my soap box now...)

Aimee said...

Oy vey is right. When,as a white person, you are somehow called to adopt an Ethiopian child, you take on the responsibility (and privilege, I might add) of diversifying your family's community. I am white, my child is black. It is up to me to find positive AA role models, to learn to care for her hair, to make sure she never remembers looking around and seeing only white faces.

I am happy to do so bc I am enriched beyond measure as well.

VALARIE said...

Tami, I can always count on you. I've followed the thread and thought it was just absolute lunacy. I thought about writing about it on my blog but thank goodness now I don't have to. I think the thread itself should be it's own explanation of why children need to be around other people of color. Can you just imagine that they will hear these types of discussions sitting around the dinner table? Wow, that is sure to do a lot for their self-esteem.

Kerri said...

That discussion makes me crazy - okay, one participant makes me crazy. Race is an interesting issue with Medina because most people seem to think she is from India but she obviously identifies with black people. I live in one of the best public school districts in town but it happens to be only about 6% black. I decided to put my daughter in another public school that is about 40% black and equally as good and almost everyone has criticized my decision. However, it is quite obvious to me that Medina needs to see and other kids who look like her. I don't get how people can deny the importance of that.
Kerri, Medina, and Ruby

DWS said...

Sometimes you just have to sit back and let folks talk...their words will speak volumes about their mindset and character. Then you make sure you pray for the kids.

Kerri said...

I think the main reason I've gotten a hard time about the school is because I did it specifically so she would be in a more racially diverse school. Most people just don't seem to get the importance of that.

Medina loves her school and her teacher. She jumps out of bed every morning excited to go to school and is making friends with all kinds of kids in her class. It's great to watch!

Kerri, Medina, and Ruby

Angela said...

During my research, I read where adoptive parents were teaching their daughter she wasn't black like the other children at school, she was African....

Also someone had a thread going suggesting all their Ethiopian adoptive babies had bad tempers..

Tami said...

Kerri, I think you did the perfect thing for Medina. I'm so happy that she is doing well and loves her school.

Angela, I must have missed that thread about bad tempers????? Are you serious? See I can't even read everything those crazy people say!

haze said...

These were real conversations?

UNBELIEVABLE.

trice said...

Tami

when i read your post i though it was a joke. i couldn't imagine someone reading that nonsence. i have looked at a few blogs and i'm starting to think that some AP think that ET is somehow a different and better type of black person. it makes me really sad that this person actually believes their are no safe or "good" schools when there are too many black folks. very sad that she's raising a black child.

on a lighter note, i see you have my chandelier. can't wait to see a pic after you hang it up...trice

Robbin said...

I read this and thought to myself... wow! I am constantly amazed that ppl thing their little Ethiopian "prince" will not be seen as just another Black boy!
Oh if I had a dollar for everyone that tells me they don't see color... my adoption would be free. Color is what we see not race or ethnicity. We have to be mindful that if you are so fortunate as to be able to say that you don't see it, its because it doesn't affect you. But it will affect your Ethiopian children. Because I am AA, my international adoption choices are so limited, I cringe to think of those that have a choice but chose to go forward thru rose colored glasses....

Robbin

trice said...

I don't know what happened to my original post. I'm new at this blogging thing. Anyway, I thought your post was a joke at first. Very sad!!!! Very Very SAD!!!

you get that chandelier up yet? you should look at my blog, i hung mine!!!

Catrina said...

I read those particular posts on yahoo also. I feel sad for her kids. She has no clue......

Tracey said...

When I read some of those posts, I have to ask myself, who did their homestudies? With so many resources available, it is sad that some adoptive parents today are still making the same mistakes that people made 20 or 30 years ago.

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

In the words of my Dad when my sister thought she was "all that" because school staff and students were always asking us, "What are you, your cheeck bones are blah-blah-blah, your eyes are blah-blah-blah-your hair is blah-blah-blah, are you black?"

Dad: Meron, look in the mirror and tell me what do you see? Now let me tell you what you are--you are---BLACK!

Meron: Yes, Daddy.

Me: HAHAHA (hehehe)!

***You better teach them the truth---if you are from Africa and you live here in America, you are African American-Black-Negro-Colored, nuff said***

Los Cazadores said...

I personally think it's pretty shallow when someone wants to disregard the race of the child they are adopting and the societal implications. They must acknowledge and appreciate, and it just sounds like laziness and a pious attitude to me...

**sigh**

Cindy

kristine said...

I'm sure you've been tagged a dozen times but i couldn't find any reference so I'm tagging you again. The 'rules' are on my blog. Participate if it delights you - it would be fun to read for me.

Angela said...

Yeah Tami,

Some lady was concerned her Ethiopian baby's temper was bad. Mind you, this was a baby or young toddler. She compared his temper to her Bio-child "who was calm at that age" then asked if other APs of Ethiopians experienced the same. There were a few ignorant responses r/t "my Ethiopian baby has a temper too."

I thought, "OK idiots, we're talking about babies and toddlers". It was very disturbing and I quickly logged off shaking my head. I started to comment but I was new at blogging and had just chewed out someone on another thread.
I really started to doubt the whole international adoption process but concluded I could at least save one these children some ding-bat.

-C said...

I agree with everyone here. Did not see the thread though, as I can barely bring myself to visit these bigger forums anymore. I also wonder how these people are slipping by the social workers. I suppose it is a good thing that some ignorant AP's reach out, so others may set them straight.

btw:
Thanks for the link to 'lightskinnedgirl', I had not seen it before. I love it. Thank you so much for making me aware of this.

C-

Katy said...

I quit the big board a while ago. Couldn't stand seeing the same crap recycling over and over. I will say, however, that those of you (Shawn & Valerie also come to mind)who have participated on it and helped educate people are doing a great thing. Some of us started out this process pretty clueless. Those of us who can listen have learned some important things from the discussions on the big board. Before they inevitably digress into insane bickering.