Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sorry I kept you. What's eating Tami today?

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you.

Without a strong rhyme to step to.

Think of how many weak shows you slept through.

Time's up, I'm sorry I kept you.

Yes, I’m back. It’s been six months. S-I-X. Since starting my blog this is the longest hiatus yet, but let me tell you. I need a break from Groundhog Day I seem to be in.

I know you are sitting there reading this saying one of the following things:

· Tami what happened with the call?

· Did you go to Ethiopia yet?

· Is Isley home?

· What the #$%@ is going on?

Well, over here in Tamiland - remember the place that is all about me – pretty much it is the same crap, except with a different situation. Oh, do I sound a tad bit angry, bitter or fed up? Yup! Pretty much I am! I will fill you in on all the little details in the upcoming posts, but let me answer a few outstanding questions.

1. The call. I was in total shock and then I looked at my daughter’s picture and wasn’t sure if the agency didn’t make a mistake. Truth.

2. The referral. I got over my insanity and began falling in love with the photo and the idea of finally being a mother.

3. Ethiopia. I went to Ethiopia and fell totally and completely in love with my daughter…crying on the way out because I had no idea when I would go back to bring her home for good and that was March 13.

4. Isley. WOW. My baby girl is amazing. I love MY KID and she loves her momma. The nannies at the foster care center said she doesn’t like new people and they were amazed that she did not fuss one time with me. Not one time. We were like yin and yang from the first moment we saw each other. Did I mention how beautiful and sweet she is?

5. Waiting. My waiting has been terrible! I received my referral Dec. 8th. Had court on March 9th. Failed court on June 8th. Did I mention June 7th was my birthday? Thanks for the memories.

6. Changes. I probably hold the recognition for being the person in this process the longest. I have experienced almost every change that Ethiopian adoption can give you and can I tell you…I am worn the hell out. Sorry, I’m trying to keep this as G rated as possible, but I am EMOTIONALLY SPENT!

7. Now what? Well, I keep waiting. I received the referral of my beauty when she was 3 months and now she is 9 months. At best it will be two more months before she comes home. Let’s not talk about the worst. If the worst happens I’ll be collecting for a second trip to spend more time with my baby.

That’s about it! Sorry for the months delay and for this post not being encouraging, supportive or giving more information. Frankly, I just needed an outlet to provide a $%(* fest! I so need a different way to release all these emotions and kickboxing once a week is not enough. I need to kick box EVERYDAY!

Oh, I don’t even have the patience/energy right now to spell, grammar or content check this, so this is a one thought, one type, hit blogger post! Check it in your head for me, I know you all are way smart! Maybe I’ll do more of those in the upcoming future: What the heck is eating (or beating) Tami today?


Jebena said...

Tami, you've been in my spirit and prayers for a minute (check your e-mail from wayyyyyyy back when) do I tell you it's going to be alright when all you want right now is your daughter to be home with you. Well, I can tell you that it is going to be alright because it is! VENT! Be upset and let it out----it's turning around for the two of you. Paint something for Baby girl, decorate or decopage something as your symbol of strength and peace. Peace to your heart, mind and soul----you know prayers are going up to God's ears for the two of you!

Katy said...

Happy belated birthday. So sorry to hear about the 8th. I hope they're able to give you info as to why, and that its a minor fixable paperwork issue that resolves FAST. I love that you mention the possiblity of just going and being with her. I hope it doesn't come to that and you are able to be with her here, long before one of you has a birthday. Hope you are able to be gentle with yourself and not feel guilty about feeling bad because this is such a shitty situation, and you are entirely entitled to vent, bitch, wallow, whatever it takes. You have been so strong and so positive for sooooo long. Sending all the love and best wishes I can.

It Feels Like Chaos said...

So sorry there have been so many setbacks in bringing Isley home! Praying, praying that you clear court soon and get to bring her home!!! Such an excruciating thing to be going through!

Anonymous said...

I second what everyone has already post. You both are in my thoughts and prayers. GOD's got YOU!!!


Tracy said...

Wow... First, a vary happy birthday to you who shares the date with me. Second, I have been checking in with your blog the last six months hoping that this incredibly arduous process had finally started to smooth out for you and that your lack of blogging was due to keeping up with Ms. Isley. But realistically I was worried that a snag was hit and that you were being pinched by paperwork and bureaucracies.

I totally empathize with what you are going through as I waited for my daughter to come home from Ethiopia (4 years ago today) but I did not have to meet her and then leave her - Such an inhumane thing to put any mother through! What are they THINKING?? So I RAGE with you, feel for you and I have the highest hopes that you will be going to bring your daughter home SOON!

You kick box all you need to get all that frustration OUT to make room for the JOY of being with your daughter!

Sending the best possible thoughts and wishes,

Mommy to the Monsters said...

Sorry to hear you have had to wait to long..Said a prayer for you!

graceling said...

Tami, I think you DO hold the record for being in-process the longest... hoping and praying that will change soon! I'm so sorry for all the difficulties- I can only imagine how hard this is, emotionally, for you.

Olivia said...

Tami I have been thinking about you often! I'm with a new agency, but you and Isley have never been far from my mind and I'm sending out positive thoughts into the universe that you and baby girl are UNITED sooner rather than later. Thank you for taking the time to update, I'm sending you big hugs and hoping for some good news for you SOON!

Vent away, we are all here for you!
Much love - Olivia