Introducing Isley Rahwa

On June 29th the sweetest face ever became my precious daughter. I am over the moon happy! It has been a very long seven years to parenthood and four years in the adoption process. Whew. But look at this face, it was worth it in the end. I love this girl! Did I say how happy I am yet? :-) Will post more this weekend. Thank you for following this crazy journey in my life. xoxox

New Court Date

I woke up yesterday and decided I was going to be at peace no matter what. And lo and behold that afternoon I received a new court date. June 23! Prayerfully I will receive a ruling that day and can show off pictures of my baby girl finally! Keep your fingers crossed and hands clasped.

What's Bugging Me Today

The other families that didn't pass court received new court dates, but no not Tami. Seriously, I feel like someone has it out for me. The past 6 years have been so incredibly difficult for me, I'm trying so hard to turn it all around, but can a sista get a break? I mean how difficult is it to go see your child, leave them in a foster care center, then have someone say, we will get back to you. I missing all her major milestones, I'm not there to comfort her when she is sad and lonely or see the joy when she smiles. She is going to be more and more delayed with each moment and frankly I'm so over it all. I just want my baby home! Yeah, 4 years of patience is GONE!

Wanna Play Another Game?

What do you think this is?

ARGHHHHHHHH!

Since this is a Christian Blog... I won't say uncool words but WTX%$#!

I am so loosing my mind over here! Shut up Robbin!

Well...

Those who said 10.20 and 10.21 for referral dates? WRONG!

Still no referral.

No one said any day next week, I don't know if that is a good sign or a bad sign.

Anywhoo...maybe next week is "the week."

Have a great weekend!

Let's Play: Guess that Date!

I was told by the Adoption Whisperer (AW-Robbin) that it was time for me to play a few games. So, Robbin, here I go following the rules of the adoption blogdom (or is that blogsphere?).

This game is just for shintz and giggles because I am terrible about mailing packages (sometimes they never get mailed). Sad, but true...so, there are NO prizes. Unless of course the AW wants to provide one to the winner. ;-)

Moving on...passing time.

When do you think I'll get my referral?

The Adoption Gods Mock Me

This is day 4 of my being snowed in. I'm not complaining because this is day 2 of my being off of work and tomorrow isn't looking promising. I've actually gotten a lot done at home; it's awesome not to feel guilty about not doing anything or going anywhere because I can't get there. It is so freeing. This time in is teaching me to take more time for myself with less guilt. Anywho, I digress. The only thing that I absolutely need to do (and right now) that I have been trying to do for months and especially over the last 2 weeks is get all of my documents certified and authenticated. I mean finalizing my package, to get on my agencies waitlist, has been ridiculous. Let's recap shall we:

• I had to redo my homestudy
• My case manager tells me I can get my child protection clearance fast, Child Services tells me no-6 weeks
• I go redo my fingerprints at USCIS, a few weeks later I receive a letter that says my fingerprints were lost (I was in a 2 week period where all fingerprints were lost from the computer), I wait 6 weeks
• I go to DC to have my documents authenticated and my homestudy was notarized wrong by the agency. Wait for new notarized statement
• I need to go 2 more counties for authentication and certification but it snows! Oh, did I mention things are out of control professionally that I don't have a moment to breathe. Back to the snow. Everything is shut down. I have days off to go get my last documents authenticated and the government is closed! Of course when they open back up I won't be able to go immediately. I'm afraid to mail them b/c I don't want to wait 6 more weeks. I wonder if an overnight package will work but there is no one there to tell me!

Yes, the Adoption Gods are mocking me! I hear them now... "2 years 9 months and 3 days is NOT enough Ms. Lady. You MUST prove that you WANT to be a mother. That you have the persistence, patience, stick-to-it-ness, chutzpah, insanity, and sense of humor to be a mother." Let's see what else we have to throw at you they are saying!

C'mon Adoption Gods, give a sista' a break already!

Ethiopia is my Stand

If another person says to me why don't I stop my adoption from Ethiopia and adopt from Haiti, I might, just might go postal. Why is it that people who don't adopt feel they can say whatever they want, throw out all kind of suggestions and then have the audacity to judge you for your decision? My conversations usually go something like this:

Them: Where are you adopting from again?

Me: Ethiopia

T: Oh. Why don't you adopt from Haiti instead?

M: Because that was not my choice. Adoption is something I thought long and hard about and I have my reasons...I just didn't wake up and pick a straw.

T: Hmmm

M: Why don't you adopt from Haiti?

T: Well, I just thought it would be the same thing. And the need is so great in Haiti right now.

M: Oh, and the need is not great in Ethiopia?

T: It's not the same.

M: Why not?

T: They have so many kids without parents.

M: So does Ethiopia.

Statistics start flying around now from both people.

T: I still think it is a good idea for you.

M: Oh, do you? Would you tell a woman who is pregnant to abort her fetus and adopt from Haiti instead?

T: It's not the same thing.

M: It is too. We (APs) don't make the decision lightly and our children are already in our hearts. And we think about the same things and prepare the same way as someone who is pregnant would, minus the morning sickness and swollen ankles.

T: You are comparing apples and oranges.

M: No. So, you say it is. I still haven't heard you say you are going to adopt.

T: No

M: Stop judging me. Do I have a heavy heart for Haiti in all its forms? Yes. I've been doing what I can and hope that I can do more in the country but haven't figured out how yet; I'm in prayer about it though. However, I'm not going to have people tell me what is right for my life and my child.

More is said but you get the point. Now, I am pretty much talking very loud and fast at this point...I'm pissed! I've gotten 2 different responses to this conversation

1. I still think it is a good idea.
2. I'm sorry you were right...I don't really understand adoption and I will think before I open my mouth again.

My mother said I should have just turned them off from the beginning and she is right. I'll admit though that my adoption is so much a part of my heart that I do want to fight about it. I want people to get that this is not a one-night-stand. That I will not breakdown for anyone about this choice. I want people to get that I will not tolerate anyone berating my decision and heaven forbid my daughter when she comes home. That is absolutely out so let's have it out now! It's that old saying "you must stand for something or you will fall for anything." I want them to get that when I made a decision to adopt from Ethiopia it was my stand (ok, one of them...I had to end this post on a smiling note).

My Big Mouth- Part Duex

Before I get to Part Duex, what about the boy? He is in Italy! Hmmm...yeah...have at it!

Now, moving on to my Big Azz Mouf!

So, I was on the phone with my bestfriend and was talking about my free car seat. How it was okay but I didn't plan on using it in my car. It didn't look comfy enough for my baby girl's precious, diva head. Let's not even mention it wasn't cute enough to be in my car. She agreed that I should get a Britax. But then I couldn't leave well enough alone, it was like I had diarrhea of the mouth. I then said, you know the car seat will be good for an extra car. I'm going to give it to A and her husband because they are going to help me with pickups plus since she is the godmother I have to make sure she has all the tools. OOOOPPPPPSSSSSSS! As soon as I said it I was like #$%! I never had that conversation with her to tell her the reasons why I chose the other friend as the godmother. As soon as I said it I heard her say OOOHHH. It was shock and disbelief. You know like Be-atch we've been best friends for 20 years and this is how you treat me! I felt about the size of an ant right then saying please step on me. So, in hopes of creating a diversion, I just did what I do best...kept talking. I mentioned "the other woman" again so it didn't seem so obvious. Mind you, I knew I messed up but what was I supposed to do? Well, I didn't have to do anything, my bestie got off the phone with me, along with the shock in her voice. I was so distraught. I never want to hurt her feelings because I love her bunches. Literally my heart was hurting at that moment because I knew hers was. I didn't know what to do but I had to act fast. I was afraid to call again, so I did what any self respecting woman would do who just stuck her foot in her mouth I sent an email! The email was grovelling and went something like this:

...I would go to the end of the earth for you. I shed tears for you. I won’t give you my last dime (LOL) but I will split it with you as we have both proven that. I never, ever, ever, ever want to heart you. You are closer to me than my sisters...you ARE my family. I see you as my child’s aunt, my child’s family. When I thought about raising my daughter alone and creating a family for her alone in DC I thought about who my friends were. ...they are amazingly good friends and parents. They are always there for me and have promised to help me with Baby I when she comes home...pickups from daycare, babysitting, etc. And for Latinos, padrinos are very important roles not taken lightly...it really is a parental role. I want Baby I to know that although she is being raised by a single mother that she comes from a community that loves her dearly and this choice I made to “have” her was not taken lightly and she will have has much normalcy (role models and family) as I can provide. I often feel bad that I am not there to be a part of my godson's life while he is growing up. I don’t want him to just know me on the phone, I want him to know me and really love me like he does his other Aunts, but right now I’m just that person Aunt Tami (on the phone). I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER would intentionally hurt you...now unintentionally...that has been proven many times...lol. I love you as much as I love me...even as I type this I have tears in my eyes b/c I was am so... I’m an idiot......please forgive my stupidity and mouth that just won’t stop sometimes. I gotta work on that!

Yes, this is part of the actual email. It isn't that eloquent and has lots of mistakes but I was frantic and just had to get something out. This should give you an idea of what was going on in my head.

Her response was...

"It caught me off guard but I understand. It was difficult deciding with the two kids so I know the thought process. no worries, my feelings aren't hurt."

We've never spoken on the topic again. I know it mattered and hurt but this MOUF has a mind of its own on occasion!

Now, you are probably wondering what is going to happen now that I have this information on the blog. Won't it bring up bad memories again? The answer is...No. Neither of them read the blog so I'm pretty safe. Now, they will probably both read it and respond to this post and my poor little baby won't have any godparents and it will all be because of her mamma's MOUF!

My Stupid Big Mouth - Part I

My bestest friend (K) in the world lives in LA. We have been like two peas in a pod since college, hmmm (covering mouth) years ago. I don't see her as much as I would like, maybe once a year, but we talk a few times a week. We've had normal ups and downs yet we always come out on top. I am the Godmother to her first child who is now 4. I was the maid of honor in her wedding. I knew her husband in college as well although she didn't. When either one of us has money and the other doesn't, we send it. When we shop for ourselves, the other is likely to get something as well. When one of us needs a bill paid and the other has it, we do it. We know all of the other's dirty little secrets (of course I don't have any of those). There is nothing we wouldn't do for each other.

Now, the tricky part.

When I decided to choose Baby I's godmother/godparents that was a tough decision for me. Since I am single I wanted it to be more than in name sake. Some people choose godparents because they were guilted in to it or others because they are good friends. I wanted to choose the person/people who my daughter would not only love but who would see on a regular basis and feel like she really is a part of their lives. What if something does happen to me and I walk through those pearly gates? I want to make sure Baby I has the least amount of transition as possible. I want her to have the same (or like) experiences that I would provide with the family and know she is wanted. Also, because I am single, I want to make sure I have a positive male role model in her life at all times. I want to have seen the man (who is her godfather) interact with both children and adults alike. Basically, just as I was/am to my mother, my baby is going to mean everything to me so choosing padrinos (godparents) was tough.

Enter A.

A and I met about 5 years ago and have been hanging tough ever since. We just clicked. A, her husband and 9 year old daughter live 5 minutes from me. She took me to the hospital at 4am when I was literally on my death bed. She always has a helping hand and ear. We are crafty together. Run our weekend errands together. Hold yard sales together. Eat dinner regularly together and text when annoyed. Her husband is awesome with their daughter and other kids. Our family shares culture and they are committed to children in general.

Both K and A are my closest friends for different reasons but ironically we love similar things and hate the others as well. I am blessed to have them both.

So, who did I choose as Baby I's godparents and where does my stupid big mouth come in to play? I'll tell you in the next post. I would say tomorrow but if you know me you know that really may not happen. ;-)

CIS Get it Together

Last week I got a letter from CIS that said they lost a weeks worth of fingerprints and of course mine were a part of them. If it weren't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all! So, on Friday I hustled myself down to USCIS before the blizzard of 2009 and took new ones. Let's hope they hold on to these! Still waiting for one authentication from Oklahoma then I need to go to Maryland to get other certifications and then to get my authentications then I'm done until the one from CIS comes! Then off to DC I go for that one then...package complete! What a journey.

2010 will be great!

Bummed Out

I'm so happy all of my blog buddies are getting their referrals, passing court and picking up their children but I am sad.  I want my daughter home.  I know this process has taken me forever due to personal reasons but now, that I am ready, I want Baby I home. I'm hoping my dossier will be on it's way to Ethiopia at the end of the month but that means at least 6 months of referral waiting but probably more like 7 or 8 then 6-7 weeks for court then another few weeks for travel.  Yes, I'm pretty bummed...but I know it gives me more time for things I know I must accomplish before Baby I.  

Hurry up documents!

Document Update

Still waiting for a few documents in the mail but my authentications are rolling in!  

Soon and very, very soon!

Biometrics Today

This morning I am going to have my FINAL Biometrics appointment at USCIS.  

Last time I did this I had a big post and told jokes.  

This time...I just want it over.  

Baby Sightings

Last night was the first night (where in my dream) I actually saw Baby I's face.  Wow.  What a beautiful face it is...she was very tiny (no surprise) had a beautiful brown complexion, piercing eyes and a tiny little bit of slicked down hair on her round head.  When I saw her and held her I just started crying.  

I know we all have these dreams of seeing our child(ren), but I still have this real feeling in my stomach.  Like little butterflies.  Maybe I am now having these dreams again because dossier completion is around the corner...that's weeks in adoption speak.  

On the Count Down to Fabric Love

I've received a few calls and emails from people wondering what is going on with me and the status of my adoption...basically wth (heck) is going on!  Here's the skinny:

- sitting here (obviously)

- simultaneously finishing my FINAL...repeat after me...FINAL updates (for everything) and DOSSIER! 

- waiting for my fingerprint appointment which is Oct. 28 (I believe)

- believing my dossier will FINALLY be submitted within the next 30 days!  Yes, yuck it up.  

Now I can get my count on.  

Why did I take so long with all of the concerns and changes with singles?  Well, life happens!  I am a firm believer that What God Has For You Is For You.  No, life is never going to be perfect or there is never going to be a perfect time to be a parent, but in my heart of hearts my spirit and my God said peace be still.  I had to be still until I was at peace with whatever came forth in my life (and with the adoption)...

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and  your minds in Christ Jesus. ”  Philippians 4: 6­7 

Finally, I'm at peace.  Let the wait begin!!!!!

In other exciting, breaking news.  I picked out a fabric for the baby's room, although you have about 6 months of my decor changes...I really like this one.  Fun no?  My mother said "WOW, busy!"  I said, "Of course and fun too!"  You can't have the prima donna II (my family calls me prima donna I) now can you?  LOL

What do you think?   It is a vintage fabric I found for $4!  I love it even if you don't, I've never been one to follow many trends.  It should give you hints at what's soon to come...but if you know some of the hints can you tell me because I honestly haven't figured them out yet.  LOL

4???

I had a dream that I adopted 4 siblings from Ethiopia at the same time!  ROTFL!  Now we know that was a dream.  

Unless:

I hit the major jackpot AND

Move my mother to this city AND

hit the major jackpot...oh, I said that already... you better believe I will NEVER adopt 4 siblings at once!  

NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure I woke up in a cold sweat also.  

OMG...I missed my 2 year anniversary!

Can you believe it?  I've been blogging for 2 years!  I certainly thought Baby I would be home by now.  So many of you have said you saw my blog before you even began your process and now your baby is home.  Some people who used to like me don't even show me any love anymore (insert sad face here) probably because they hate my ramblings or because there is no cute little face to look at.  How do you think I feel!  LOL  

Man plans and God does.  So many things have happened in the last two years that have been of my doing and some not but the end result was the same, it wasn't time.  As much as I wanted it to be my time, it wasn't but now my time is coming.  I no longer stress anything.  I just know that it is.  I just know that God's timing and his hand in my life is perfect.  It always is perfect...and as much as I hate to admit it, the last two years of my life have been perfect as well.  Full of pain, hurt, tears, trauma and drama but perfect because without that I would not be here in the glory of today's peace being able to say..."I made it through."  I am now that much stronger.  Not only will I be a better mother for Baby I, I am now a better person and for that I am so grateful.  

To see how my journey began one year ago click here.

Will This Ever End?

My social worker said my homestudy is expired!  I need to update it and redo ALL of my forms!!!!!!!!  

WT#$%^&!@#*($)%)(!*#&$&%(%&@(!)$*%&%&!$(@(!$&%@(!&#&$*(@

$800 more plus all of the other costs and wait times.  

Bridge...

Jump...

ARGH...will this ever end?????