Monday, February 8, 2010

Ethiopia is my Stand

If another person says to me why don't I stop my adoption from Ethiopia and adopt from Haiti, I might, just might go postal. Why is it that people who don't adopt feel they can say whatever they want, throw out all kind of suggestions and then have the audacity to judge you for your decision? My conversations usually go something like this:

Them: Where are you adopting from again?
Me: Ethiopia
T: Oh. Why don't you adopt from Haiti instead?
M: Because that was not my choice. Adoption is something I thought long and hard about and I have my reasons...I just didn't wake up and pick a straw.
T: Hmmm
M: Why don't you adopt from Haiti?
T: Well, I just thought it would be the same thing. And the need is so great in Haiti right now.
M: Oh, and the need is not great in Ethiopia?
T: It's not the same.
M: Why not?
T: They have so many kids without parents.
M: So does Ethiopia.

Statistics start flying around now from both people.

T: I still think it is a good idea for you.
M: Oh, do you? Would you tell a woman who is pregnant to abort her fetus and adopt from Haiti instead?
T: It's not the same thing.
M: It is too. We (APs) don't make the decision lightly and our children are already in our hearts. And we think about the same things and prepare the same way as someone who is pregnant would, minus the morning sickness and swollen ankles.
T: You are comparing apples and oranges.
M: No. So, you say it is. I still haven't heard you say you are going to adopt.
T: No
M: Stop judging me. Do I have a heavy heart for Haiti in all its forms? Yes. I've been doing what I can and hope that I can do more in the country but haven't figured out how yet; I'm in prayer about it though. However, I'm not going to have people tell me what is right for my life and my child.

More is said but you get the point. Now, I am pretty much talking very loud and fast at this point...I'm pissed! I've gotten 2 different responses to this conversation
  1. I still think it is a good idea.
  2. I'm sorry you were right...I don't really understand adoption and I will think before I open my mouth again.
My mother said I should have just turned them off from the beginning and she is right. I'll admit though that my adoption is so much a part of my heart that I do want to fight about it. I want people to get that this is not a one-night-stand. That I will not breakdown for anyone about this choice. I want people to get that I will not tolerate anyone berating my decision and heaven forbid my daughter when she comes home. That is absolutely out so let's have it out now! It's that old saying "you must stand for something or you will fall for anything." I want them to get that when I made a decision to adopt from Ethiopia it was my stand (ok, one of them...I had to end this post on a smiling note).


Lorrie said...

Interesting. Oddly enough I've always had a heart for I understand the flip side. People have told me to adopt from Ethiopia instead...but that's not the right place. My child is in Haiti and I know this. For you your child is in Ethiopia. And it really is like giving birth to your own child...the waiting and longing. We haven't even started the process yet...but the longing really is the same! Blessings... and follow your mama...cut those folks off... they're crazy!

Kelly said...

I've been getting this as well. What really frustrates me is that people don't understand - even though they watched us go through 7 months of paperwork - that you can't just go and adopt from Haiti. Sure, you could start the process now, but it's not like you'd be going for a long time. And the thought that we would just drop Ethiopia now is offensive to me. We thought long and hard over where to adopt from, and we feel a real connection with Ethiopia. Argh. Sorry you're having to deal with this!

Kerri said...

Ugh! Sorry you're having to deal with these comments. And I love that they always come from people who haven't and don't plan to adopt. They really just have no clue...

Moni @ CL Journal said...

I've come to the conclusion that some people are stupid. That makes it a whole lot easier for me to walk away from them.

That's all I have to say!

Glad to see you sticking to your principles and your decision!

: )

Dana said...

Amen. I hear the same thing and I find it to be quite annoying. I just shut people down real quick these days. I'm with Kerri, they don't have a clue so I just don't waste my time debating with them anymore.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for voicing our frustrations! We get the same thing. Some people just don't get it...which is fine, but they need to keep their mouth shut instead of judging. As a white guy, I normally get it and respond by saying that Ethiopian children would blend into my family better and not be so glaringly "adopted". That normally confuses the hell out of them. But it is wife is black and while deployed to Iraq, she actually had a few Africans swearing she was Ethiopian and couldn't figure out why she didn't speak Amharic. Hahaha. So, as the lone white dude in a family of 3 kids (my other two are half Colombian) I get the comments all the time. -Kory Gainesville, VA

Single PAP said...

I got that too and I had already had a referral! I could. not. believe. the. rudenss. and. audacity. and. INSENSITIVITY of some people! I already thought of Almaz as my daughter (even though I hadn't passed court) yet people STILL told me i should switch to Haiti! It was mindblowing! I was too shocked to say anything...but damn

Jennifer said...

Oh, yes, it's funny the advice people who are NOT adopting, and probably never will adopt, feel free to give you. Like you've made this decision casually and on a whim. Like they know better than you do about your life. Like you need to justify yourself to them. Oh, now you got me going. Stand and stand tall.


UGH! If everyone would just think before they speak...and not impose their will or thoughts onto other human beings...Rude! Keep your head up...and don't worry, when your little one comes home the Love Child Onesies will be my gift...