Friday, September 5, 2008

Kumbaya Yall

When I finally (the operative word) decide to do something I like to believe I do as most of you and try to prepare myself as best I can. It first starts with the bestfriend conversation: "so, I was thinking...or what do you think about..." Then it moves on to my mother: "Mommy, do you think this is the right thing to do...or do you think I'm crazy..." Then I move on to the real due diligence. I start researching and looking for information any place I can get it. I admit, I become (for a little while) slightly obsessed. Sometimes it works out for good then other times...I'm still trying to get over the other times.  Let's just say, it can be better to go with your gut and heart than with a lot of data.

When I decided I was going to adopt I followed my normal due diligence routine however it was a little different because I had already done a lot of the research. Since I had tried to have a baby one year before I already had a lot of information on what it would take for me to be a parent. I had already made changes to insurance policies, did estate planning and all of that good stuff, but I was still unclear about what adoption REALLY meant for me. However, I knew I was over not being able to have a baby and so thankful that I was alive and able to adopt.   So, I needed to find out everything about adoption. In the course of a few weeks I probably bought so many adoption books, magazines, went to seminars, talked to people who were/have adopted and joined adoption boards.  

Now, every now and then since I am on this sloooooow road I still look for new adoption groups or other information.  A little while ago I joined a pretty strange board that I thought applied to single women adopting, but tell me why have I never seen any information except how to get a man? I mean what is that all about? Sidebar: not that I wouldn't like a nice, tall, handsome and wealthy man, but something tells me that group isn't the place to find it!  And speaking of boards, I find that the other adoption boards are all great as long as everyone is singing Kumbaya (ok, probably not Kumbaya because it has some religous undertones and you know that doesn't go over well on the boards, but you get the point...and if you aren't on the boards...well, this is over your head).   :-)  

Don't get me wrong, some of the adoption boards are working and serving their purpose and yes, I can unsubscribe from the ones that I don't like, but I stay because I, like to (as Jesse Jackson says), Keep Hope Alive. I don't know, I was always the kid in the room that thought if I went to sleep I would miss something. Maybe if I leave, I'll miss the brilliance of another AP (I did leave the "single adoption" group).  Maybe I should leave and stop wasting my time because the brilliance is never coming. I don't know. Maybe I just have too much time to kill until Baby I gets here...yea, that's probably the real answer! Maybe, I just feel like I have something to offer and I'm trying to figure out what it is...until then...Kumbaya Yall!  


haze said...

I know what you mean. I find some of the Yahoo groups to be a bit dodgy so I hardly ever check in. There is one message board I love that I go to all the time for great information, support, and laughs.

BTW, that little kid is so darn cute. What a sweetheart!

kristine said...

I didn't get to see the video but I love this post. I've been off the boards for about a week and I feel very lightheaded in a happy way. I'm with ya - I think I'm going to miss that bit of brilliance that I need to know in order to be a great parent. But I haven't found it yet!

Now blogs - there is the place for brilliance!

Bennett said...

Yes Tami, the boards can be rough at times, I try not to get so involved b/c I know things like humor do not translate well over the boards, especially when you don't know the people reading your post. I think I have settled on using them as an info vehicle only. Some people just go over board w/their views and positions, and then try to ram it down others throats. well I hope you stay connected to a group if nothing more than info purposes.


Robbin said...

You sound like me. I was so obsessed with gathering information that I joined every group I could. It seems that the information is the same thing warmed over. I get very much info. I've learned much more from the blogs. Which of course I get hooked up with from the group post lol. But I think I need to take up a hobby (besides law school, studying for the bar and working), so that I can help the time past. I'm thinking about YOGA or something positive. Then I can join Yoga boards. And meet handsome men!


Tami said...

Robbin, that was funny!

Everyone else...I agree, I learn so much more from the blogs, I just get good stuff for my blogs from the boards! LOL Like Haze said Laughs.

Tracey said...

I try to recall why I read the adoption yahoo groups, and I have trouble remembering. I am grateful that we don't currently ahve any post-adoption issues I need advice on, and I get so irritated reading the groups. find lots of selfishness, ignorance and pettiness gets posted. I went to web only, rather than digests of mail when I wnet on vacation. I am finding that now that I am back, I have not really read the boards as much. I have met some very cool people throught those groups though.

Katy said...

Oh my Nord, that kid is so cute! I finally finally just quit the big ethiopia adopt board. After about 2 years (a year of reading every email, and a year of reading it on digest). I finally gave it up. Phew! It feels real good. The good info to b.s. ratio became too low. I will always be addicted to a smaller one though.