When I was a kid my mother used to tell me: "Tami, you talk to much". Then as I got older she said: "Tami, you talk too much and trust too easily. You think everyone is your friend, they are not." So, for thirty something years (don't ask) I pretty much heard those words repeated from my mother, in different ways of course. For thirtysomething years she continued to see my heartbroken which broke her heart as well. It was not until this past summer, when life happened (SHTF) that I finally understood what all of those things my mother said to me meant.
A few weeks ago another AP asked me if she should tell everyone she is adopting and I told her if I had to do it over again I would wait until I had my referral to share. When I started this process 15 months ago I thought it would move so smoothly for me...then life happened. Life. It happens. Seems pretty simple to me, I thought it would be simple to everyone else. I thought everyone would rejoice at my choices and provide support. Maybe even if they weren't rejoicing I thought they would care about what was going on in my life. So, I did as I often had, spilled all the beans about my feelings, the adoption process, plans I had for my baby girl, my career, about EVERYTHING! Then guess what I found out? Either many of those people could have cared less, they turned my joy into something they tried to use against me or they drive me completely insane asking me: "when is the baby coming, what is they problem, why is it taking so long, what are you doing wrong". After each time someone asks me a question or it is very apparent they don't care about what is going on in my world a little is taken away from me and I think...what did I do to deserve that. I want nothing more than to have my daughter home, but there are things that cannot be explained because life simply happens. And after thirtysomething years I've finally realized that I don't owe people explanations for why my life happens the way it does...it's life, it just does.
So, finally, what life has taught me is to keep some things just for me and to share when and if I feel it is the right time to. Fifteen months into the process I now understand why people wait until the first trimester to tell people they are pregnant. My mother used to say, not everything is for everybody. I finally get it. I just hope that I am able to convey what it took my mother thirtysomething years for me to get to Baby I at a much younger age. I certainly don't ever want to steal her joy and I know my mother never wanted to steal mine, but what she wanted me to do was keep some of that joy reserved for me because she knew that others could crush my spirit (I'm sensitive you know...LOL). Ok Mom, I finally get it...I love you.