Monday, September 8, 2008

Is She Adopting for the Wrong Reasons?


Now, correct me if I'm wrong (I know that I'm not in this instance) if you don't really care for a persons culture you shouldn't adopt them just because you can get a baby faster and under twelve months of age.  WHAT?  See...this is why I stay on the boards!  Apparently there is one very confused woman lurking:

I'm torn between three countries: Russia, Kazakhstan and Ethiopia. I'm in love with the Russian and Kazakh culture and the people but I don't feel the same way with Ethiopia. To be honest, the only reason why I want to adopt from Ethiopia is because I can get a baby in under 12 months, I won't have to deal with rude comments and stares from strangers that other transracial families have to deal with and because its way cheaper. Is this truly the wrong reason to even consider Ethiopia as a country choice?
Signed-Her Imperial Majesty (or something like that)

Dear Her Majesty:

This may sound harsh but NO ADOPTION FROM ETHIOPIA FOR YOU!  The way you are positioning your email makes me question your entire parenting M.O., but that is a different subject...stay focused Tami.  Just because you are black does not make a black child a good fit for you, as is shown in your email.  I believe you would do more harm to your child than good because you would always think of that little Russian or Katz baby you could have had...even if you (in your words) saved a couple of dollars.  My advice to you before you start down the path to motherhood is spend a few more dollars and get some counseling...I think there is something going on in there...just my opinion.  Then move forward with your adoption...but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE leave Ethiopian children for people who truly have an interest in the culture and who want to love them for them not simply because they would be an easier fit on their arm or heaven forbid because it is cheaper!  


15 comments:

habeshachild said...

OMG that seriously TURNS MY STOMACH.

I am getting so sick of new-to-Ethiopia PAPs who are there only because their first-choice country has closed. Not all of them are that way, of course, but LOTS seem to be "settling" for an Ethiopian kid.

Good GOD people, PLEASE DO NOT ADOPT from Ethiopia if it isn't your first choice!!!

Rebecca said...

I am amazed that someone would even write this. It bothers me on sooo many levels. The fact that they would choose a country based on the fact that 'it is cheaper' makes me sick to my stomach. Especially when they really have no interest in either the country, OR THE CHILD! Yikes.

Thanks for posting this. Your bringing the light to the world :)

Anna said...

I saw that post too and almost thought it must be a joke or someone trying to start an argument. Especially the way she asked for "no flaming please". I was this close to e mailing her....but why waste the energy typing. Hopefully a good social worker would pick up in this womans craziness and not allow her to adopt from Ethiopia. This crazy rush to get a baby-any baby- in under 12 months is just bull shit. I mean, come on!
I like JoAnna's response on the boards by the way.

kristine said...

I haven't been on the big board for a couple of weeks and I'm a lot calmer because of it. OHG it's getting worse isn't it. Plus, it's not going to stay such a short wait anyway.

We did switch but from domestic to international and my husband would only go international once I found Ethiopia and really investigated it. The point for us (other than we were only going to adopt a child from the African diaspora) was that Ethiopia seemed to really take a great effort to help thier children be placed in good families and that we may be able to know the where abouts of family and perhaps we can stay in touch. This was essential.

Ugh. There are going to be a lot of very mixed up children in the next few years.

Once again - i'm glad you are still posting.

Bennett said...

Tami

I responded to her on the big boards and I agree w/u 100% I responded under my full name.....how smart was that, but anyway, I could not agree more, and even though I did not put this in my post, I also felt there were some other undermining issues that had nothing to do w/adoption at all, and u summed it up best w/your post when u suggested counseling. I know the boards are for all types of questions and concerns regarding international adoption, but this really got me going, and being I never really post on the big boards I felt I had something imporatnt to tell her and just hope in my a very small way I was able to shed some light, but I think u summed it up best.........I agree, leave ET children alone, if it is not in your heart.

VALARIE said...

You've said it all!

Robbin said...

Man I am still laughing at that ridiculous post. I didn't even realize that the girl was Black until Celeste responded. It's all so very weird. I hope she takes her desires somewhere else. I wish I knew her name so I could watch her. Really.


Robbin

Gracie's Mom said...

I am speechless and frightened at the same time. The thought that an innocent soul could be cursed with that lunatic sends chills up my spine. Sorry, I tend to really take it there....

Tami said...

Yes, very scary and very weird!

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

Amen Tami! I like how you are not afraid to own your voice---truly appreciate your blog. It is liberating me from "playing nice to please everybody".

Thanks Celeste for your comment to the poster. Your words should post her in the right direction.

Tracey said...

I too wondered if it was a joke or a person trolling for a fight. Reminds me of a crazy woman who was posting a few years ago when I was in the waiting process. She was white, but had always had issues with people questioning her ethnicity because of her olive skin. she finally decided against Ethiopia because her father objected. His objection was that everyone would think she had had sex with a black man! She actually posted that. There are some real loons out there.

Katy said...

Glad I missed it. I bet somebody defended her at some point, or at least took issue with something that somebody said about something in response to her. I can just imagine.

poppyandpeony said...

While I'm sad my adoption fell through, the one good thing is I don't have to deal with people making these types of comments anymore. It used to drive me around the bend!!!!

haze said...

Excuse me while I vomit...

Kory Edwards said...

Her comments and decision making process is very screwed up..but here's another one I can't stand. It's one thing to be religious (I used to be very religious) but it's a whole different issue when you read some of these other blogs of deeply, fanatical religious people who see it as God's mandate to send them to "save" these poor "brown kids" in Ethiopia. When their blog is so full of religious quotes, scriptures and sometimes even outright bigotry about how only they can save these poor "heathen" children. It makes me wonder if they remain lower-class family members once adopted and are simply their way to show everyone else how "good" they are. My wife and I picked Ethiopia as our first choices and never even looked at other countries because an Ethiopian child will blend in with her and my step-daughter and not be easily identifiable as "the adopted child". It makes me the lone-man out, being the white guy, but better me than a child. -Kory, Gainesville, VA