After a long week I seem to always have questions or challenges on the weekends. So, I thought that on Sundays I would pose a question to the "Blogdom" for you all to solve (I have faith in you). Today is the first one.
Dear Blogdom:
When I first started down this road of adoption I was so excited and I thought that my friends would be just as excited for me. Don't get me wrong most of them are but then there are the few that are sidewalk observers and then they wonder why we haven't spoken in a while. When I try to speak to them and tell them about the adoption they don't show much interest. I have very close friends who have never been to my blog and someone even said to me today "I didn't know you were adopting from Ethiopia." I almost fell off of my seat because we are supposedly very good friends but she has taken zero interest in my adoption. My feelings have been very hurt. She said she figured I would tell her about it when I wanted to. WHAT???? I tell everyone I can...I tell the grocery clerk, the drive through person at Wendy's...trust me everyone knows about my "pregnancy."
In all fairness, I did catch her up today after she said she didn't know I was adopting from Ethiopia and she has never been to my blog...I've sent her my blog address several times after she said that comment to me before. In this new phase of my life I am creating I am fighting so hard for the life that I want and deserve but I am also hurt by some of my friends ambivalence towards my adoption...did any of you have similar situations? Oh great blogdom what should I do?
9 comments:
Luckily for me, my close friends have been very supportive! However, there are some people who seem somewhat indifferent - and, I wonder if my tummy were getting larger, would they be acting differently? I can't let myself think about it though. I know we're doing what God wants us to do. I think it will be different once we actually have our sweet little babies!! Who will be able to resist them?? :)
I get impatient with people who don't read my blog and then complain. I think there are people who just (gasp) don't blog.
However, if you are a non-blogging friend of mine, then I expect you to ask me some questions. I've put it all out there. If you don't want to read it and still want to know what is going on, then you (non-bloggy friend--not you, Tami) must take the initiative and responsibility to ask. I've got too much to do and too many people who do support me.
I also think that adoption and impending mommyhood may be providing a shift in many friendships. I'm the last of my friends to have a family, so most of them are happy and eager to welcome me to THE CLUB...
Absolutely!
I attributed it mostly because most people don't understand the blog thing. And because adoption is such an unknown. Because there is no big belly in their face, it gets forgotten, I think. And, sadly, some people just don't like it when other people are happy.
Although I am not as far along on the motherhood process as you are, I too get a number of not-so-sensitive comments ("Adoption is wack" or "Why don't you just get a dog?") REALLY. But I know that some people don't want me to leave the single/hangout/party scene and for others it makes them face that they too are past 40 and childless or some men who just feel so darn unnecessary ("I guess since you're adopting you don't want a man now") Uh, no. But what can you do? Most will get on board when they see how happy you are and some may even join you! And those who don't... well.. ok, i can't say that on your blog. Oh, and speaking of blogs, my own mother only commented on one of my very first posts. She isn't even keeping up. And who knows if my friends are reading it cause they don't comment if they are...So, just be strong and take comfort in the support of the blogosphere and the Ethiopian adoption community!
Hi Tami, Here's my situation.
I don't mind if my family and friends don't read my blog, and everyone close to me has been very suppportive - for the most part. Sadly, I have been unpleasantly surprised that the one person who I thought I could count on to support me and engage with me during the process, my younger sister, is the only person NOT to really give a damn about what I'm going through - despite me being there every step of the way during her two pregnancies. I find this very disappointing, but what can I do? I try not to let it get me down too much. I think once my daughter is here she may come around to taking my motherhood seriously. If not, I will choose another guardian/God mother (at this point I'm not sure why she agreed to assume those roles).
Not everyone is into blogging or hanging out online and I don't expect people to use my blog as their sole means of information.
But I agree, if your friends don't express interest in such a vital part of your life (by reading your blog or talking to you about the adoption), then it's hard to stay engaged with them.
(sorry for the long comment, this is a sore spot with me too.)
This journey does teach you about people. I had two friend who were very happy and supportive during the referral wait, but who have compeltely disappeared since I brought Amara home. One met me for a drink once, and the other kept saying she was going to come by but never did. neither has met Amara, and it has been a year! Like Laura mentioned, they are both near 40 with no kids,and still in the hanging out/partying scene.
On the other hand,other friends have really stepped up and been more supportive than I expected. So, you never know.
Just keep moving forward. I think it's hard for people to understand this process because they don't see any evidence (ie.. growing tummy). A lot of people don't ask me anything because in their defense, they don't know what's appropriate. They wonder if they ask 'do you have your daughter yet?' that I'll cry or say something unexpectedly.
Like you, I found that the most supportive people were strangers and other PAPs. I am constantly crushed by the lack of interest by family and friends. It hurts. Big time. They are the people you most want to share this journey with yet they appear the least interested.
It's gotten to the point now where it's no longer about me. This is my daughter I'm fighting to bring home. Come hell or high waters.. either you're with me or you're not. I'm not sitting back waiting for you to make up your mind.
I don't think I answered your question.. just rambled. Evidently your post hit a nerve with me. Thanks for letting me 'cry' here.
My comment pt 2:
Ugh, I sent an email to said younger sister tonight and for the first time I made it clear I don't appreciate her attitude. I'm a little afraid of how things will or won't change from now on.
Haze...good luck. Let me know what happens. I'm still trying to get back to normalcy with my friend, we are trying...time heals all wounds as they say.
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