Sunday, August 12, 2007

Dear Blogdom:

I'm sure many of you had this question...what age range should I request for my child? When I first started the process I thought I wanted as young a child as possible. I wanted to make sure I had the maximum bonding time with my daughter even if it was only a few more months say 3 1/2 month vs- adopting at 7 months or older. However, after having conversations with a few people I now understand better that this would mean if I get the referral for an infant this young (3 months) she would more than likely have come from a mother that died at birth. As such she would not have had any time to form any bonds having immediately been placed in a foster care situation. Additionally, if I pick her up so young I or the doctors would not have time to see what her development is and if there are any developmental delays. On the other hand if I choose a referral of a little older child of say 6-12 months old she would have had time to form bonds, breastfeed and begin the developmental process. However, I know nothing is certain...So based on your experiences what do you suggest? Oh Blogdom what do I do?


haze said...

You raise some good points. I am requesting 0-12 mths and believe my daughter will be between 6-18 mths when I bring her home.

I think the younger they are, the less time they have been exposed to less than perfect conditions and so their development may not be as affected by institutionalized life and/or malnutrition.

I don't know how easy it would be to see genetic development issues in most babies up to 1 year or so.

Each child's story is different. I say just ask for what you really want, the universe will provide...

kate said...

I think you have to decide this one for yourself. I'm requesting ages 2-6 years...but hoping for ages 4-6.

Melissa said...

Ughh... I struggled with that for a long time. Still do, kind of. I requested between 18mo and 2 years. First of all, the daycares here really don't accept kids until they are 18 months. Also, it's enough time to monitor if Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is present and if there are developmental issues with her gross motor skills. Under two years, I'm told, children can reverse the affects of not being held during infancy and start the bonding process.

Mind you, these are situations pertaining to Eastern Europe. I think (at least I hope) you don't have to worry about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.